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Again frustration

E Updated
Hi Wiki peeps... its been a while since i have been onto the site... i suppose thats a good sign as i used it as a crutch a lot of the time. So... more frustration for the same old reasons... she believes i am lying about finances, wont accept valuations etc etc... Zzzzz It's gone on for so long now that its just boring listening to the same old stuff pouring out of her. I ditch the sol as i had lost faith in him and got another one... much much better. The old one did everything by snail mail for starters! Emails and fax are speeding everything up. So... applied to mediation to set something up but she wont go unless i give her al my recent financial docs to go over to see if it is worth her while? Go figure... "worth her while"?? Had the property i live in valued and surveyed.. she was supposed to do it with me but was "out of the country" whenhe came. Now the value given is a lot lower than she expected... so she wont accet that... a waste of £400 getting that done. Frustrated and decided sod it push for court...so mediation booked for thurs next... her reply to my invite to attend was.. my solicitor will be in touch in that regard? Looks like it will be the FM1 form and push on then. You can only give someone so many chances... All i want is fair and independent valuations of our two properties and a 50/50 split... whats so bad about that? We are fairly well off due to my good investments and inheritance from my father and grand parents. She will keep the fmh mortgage free, a car, good pension, lump sum and a good job..... but still wants to fight. She is delaying hoping to get more from my investment and company bonus this year... thats the crux of it. Greed greed and more greed. All very ugly. My daughter is flourishing at UNI with some great marks for her work. A holiday in Burma and Thailand on a tight budget was amazing... backpacking can be sooo cheap out there but def not 5 star ! Loved it. Seeing the sunrise while hill walking on the Thai / Burmese border was awesome. Looks like I have to knuckle down for a fight now... only the solicitors will benefit in the long run. Such a shame how bitter and twisted she has become. Onwards n upwards

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very bitter lady, keep pushing esox, keep pushing xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
R
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Thanks all..... Yes CCC she makes me soooo proud. She is turning into a beautiful, happy and lovely young lady. Committed to her studies. This however has cost her the boyfriend who she was head over with.... being at Uni's so far apart has seen them decide its not working.... i suspect by her pain it is his idea. But at 18 and at uni.... prob bound to happen.

Re property valuations. She has been moaning and trying to get it increased massivly for ages. I can see a nasty battle coming.
It took me a year to get her to pick three estate agent for the FMH so we could get an average of the three for a value. Its taken me longer for her to agree to getting a fair and independant valuation on the other property. Its done now... i dare say she will want it re done.

Her sol has written to mine saying give us all financial disclosure inc the property survey and we will "consider" going to mediation! WTF! Dont you do that at mediation?
I discused it with my sl and have handed it over... was not happy about it but she would see it at mediation anyway.

A few issues recently have reinforced the "Life is too short" attitude in me.... the sol bill may restrict my plans on that score though!! Grrrr

As those who have followed my blog know and prob told me... i should have been doing the pushing a year ago. Yes maybe she is realising this is not what she wants but she filed and petitioned 2 years ago... i got the petition on my birthday... nice! She has lied and spread rumours to undermine my stature with friends and relatives. Some have walked away as a result... but i realise they where never real friends now. Real friends came and asked if its true! Her family have got involved and it would never work and we are well past the no turning back line. She mde her bed and it is all about bitternes and revenge.

Revenge for what though... yes mistakes made but... she accused me of not one but two affairs! Now she tells friends she was mistaken on that score so makes up lots of other lies to make her appear to have made the right decision! However she has asked me to consider counselling and trying again 3 times in recent months.... between trying to claw money from my family and I.

Its costing me but... using the solicitor has made things easier.

Rambled on.... again!
Better not Bitter.... i keep reminding myself again and again!
E
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Esox ((()))

I can't believe she is still messing you about after such a long time! Sorry to hear all that but great about your holidays (and yes great pics!) but mostly, sooo glad to hear that your daughter is enjoying and doing great at uni :) you must be sooo proud!

Take care

C xx
M
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If she doesn't agree with the valuation, then she can instruct her own surveyor and lay for it. Until there is a contrasting professional valuation, that is the valuation. I think this kind of attitude can go a long way.

So for example. If my ex had said to me I don't agree with the valuations on the house. I could have said well these are the valuations. Do you have another report from a surveyor which says these are wrong? Answer no. Well then that means these are the valuations, suggest if you don't agree you instruct your own surveyor which I would like you to do within x time. Otherwise this is the the property value and we will proceed on that basis. End of. It's important you don't allow her to indulge her in this tendency she has to disregard anything that doesn't fit with her world view.

As for company bonus, investments etc, my ex never got any of it after we separated. What she wants and what she gets are two very different things. How greedy someone might be and what their motives are ultimately irrelevant. You just need to focus on your own interests and these are best served by being very assertive.
S
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I wasn't aware the other party had to "accept" the valuation,maybe come to term with it, but valuations are what they are, take it or leave it, in my experience.

J
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Hi Esox

Nice to hear from you...well nice to hear about your lovely hols but as you said same old same old regarding your x

I dont know but something tells me that she is stalling not because she wants more or you less but because she wants to stop what is clearly now unstopable. I dont think she really wants what is happening. She probably doesnt know what she wants but this thing has gone on and on now for ages and still you are no further forward. I think she's worried about the void in her life when everything is done and finally finished.

I to have had my house surveyed and hope to start negotiations very soon. The surveyor has valued the house less than the estate agent. What do you mean when you said, she wont accept this value. It is my understanding that this type of valuation
is worth the paper it is written on and would therefore be accepted as a true valuation to the worth of the property.

Im glad that you finally changed solicitors. It seems that you are doing all you can.

LG xXx
L
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Esox
What is it I said.
"Only so many chances someone gets,when your done...
Your Done"

Glad the hols went great,waiting for more pics ;) ;) ;)

Take care,
Cwtchs
Afon Xxx
A