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Being advised to lie on petition to keep husband happy, please advise!

B Updated

Hi, My husband is an alchoholic so my divorce petition is based on unreasonable behaviour and most of the examples are alchohol related. I have done this especially  because I have two children and want to ensure their safety. (He currently isn't seeing them as he turned up drunk driving to pick them up so I didn't let him have them. He has since been offered the option of a contact centre which he is refusing). Anyway, he is saying he is not going to acccept the petition on the grounds I am listing but will on the grounds of his adultery instead. This however is not true but my solicitor is strongly advising me to go with this anyway as he says it will go through quicker and may cost less if he does defend the divorce. ( am on legal aid and he says I may have a problem getting the funds to cover this cost.)I understand this may be the case but my motivation is the childrens safety and custody and starting off the whole process with a lie may not help? Can you help? Any help appreciated, thanks, Marina :-)

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Thanks everyone, I will sleep on it!
hi marina...

I am no expert on the legal front, what what I can offer perhaps is some persepctive on the alcohol dependency side.

At times it can be very difficult for those who are in the throws of addiction to really recognise that their substance abuse is a problem. Often they think it is the "world" who has the problem. If you do concede to remove this very real issue from the table, it could send him a message that "oh well it isn't as bad as all that". To collude with him without realising it may add to the problem rather than maybe sticking to the truth. He may be left with the harsh reality that if he wants a meaningful relationship with his children, he will need to change his relationship with alcohol.

You can not make his decisions for him, but what you can do is not allow him to "pretend" that the adultery was the only issue. We can only pick up our own responsibilities. You already feel instinctually that to cover this up would be the wrong thing to do... I urge you to listen to your own inner voice.

Wildflower xxx

Hi Marinalouisa

I have to disagree with your solicitor, if your stbx is turning up drunk and incapable of caring for your children it does matter what the divorce says. He must know that if he is asking for you to put adultery. You will have more on your side if the issue of contact becomes a problem.
It would cost him to have a solicitor state he does not agree to the terms and i think its just a plee he is hoping you would fall for,I would have thought that the Judge would say the marraige has failed if one person is putting in divorce whether he wants it or not.
Marina the reasons for divorce do not matter one iota. The petition document is just to prove the marriage contract has been broken. Even if he is asking for the reasons to be something else do what ever it takes. Contact with your children is a separate matter and there are separate processes for addressing this where you do have to give evidence of why you think things are unsafe and there you can raise the alcohol issues. Perhaps you should post this as a thread in the forum rather than in the blogs as then others can give you their thoughts. If you search too under grounds for divorce you will see many others who have been placed in your situation and will gain advice from what they said and did