I've felt crap today, deep depressive mood. Being back here has helped me a little but the posts of those going through separation and divorce bring back dreadful memories. I've responded to a few posts from people in despair which I find a little rich given how I feel but that's how I am, I can dissociate myself from my worries in order to get by and appear "normal". Very few things in my life provide me with any joy, I bought a house last year and sometimes wonder why I bothered, I've a new bathroom installed, so what?, I'm having a new kitchen and can hardly be bothered choosing the worktops. I'm so apathetic. I go to work every day and have to manage a team but it bores me so much. I tried dating sites in order to get out there and meet people and meet people I did but most dates ended by being told I was a really nice guy with a great smile and impeccable manners but no thanks. Nice guys never get the girl, women prefer scoundrels. Anyway, I'm off dating now, not for me and I'm fed up being told I'm nice!
I'm the same age, and going towards the tail end of a divorce. I've kept my integrity in the face of a gale force 10 onslaught and like you am bruised and battered. I've started to learn to play the piano, and love it. Headspace the mindfulness app has helped too, just try to focus on how you are now, and if you can focus on the current moment in time, be it the robin in the garden or the kindness of a stranger that made you smile you will get a little relief from the darkness that will hopefully grow with time. You're a survivor, well done, Spring is on the way xx
I hope you can find your mojo again Winterfrost.. like many of us you've probably had little time for yourself and it might take some trial and error to find some hobbies or meetup groups you like. Suggest you pop back to see your GP about your meds.
Polar what did you put on your profile?! A colleague of mine says the most romantic thing her husband couldsay to her is "darling I've cleaned the bathroom" (which he does at least weekly) - that would be a winner for me :)
I'm not after dates anymore! I don't want to particularly hang around with a young crowd and I'm not a night owl but yes I have to get out there and join that club. I'll nip round this weekend, watch this space!
I am thankful that I most of my teeth and a full head of (grey) hair. I can still walk up hills whereas my sister, who is only 4 years older than me, can hardly walk to the top of her stairs! So yes, the old body still has potential! Much to be thankful about Ã°Å¸Ëœâ€š.
I empathise with what you say fella . And , you know what, I was you a while back . Maybe , you think that all what is happening right now is for you alone. You , bought a house, a new bathroom , ... Ha ha .
Good on you . Make you happy ...... My guess is no .
Look , please for once in your life , look at you .
You have everything you need , right inside of you . You , do not see it my friend .
You , look outside .
I was in a similar position to you .Then , I looked within .
Look Fella Can you walk , talk , communicate sleep in a bed
Sounds silly , I know . However, by seeing things we are thankful for helps us .
I do some work in a hospital , I tel, you this my friend .If , you are walking and talking . Your ok .
So , my friend .. You are welcome here . Keep posting
I was left when I was 58. Started recovery ASAP and did I make a lot of mistakes !!! It took me about 3 years to get stable emotionally . 5 to get to a position of being able to relax financially.
Only you can drag yourself out of it. Nobody can help you believe me. Pills and booze dull the pain but also make you incapable of taking opportunities that arise. I wont tell you how often I see a guy drink a few and then try and approach a lady. They back away when they notice you are not 100% coherent.
I did lots of things. Many didn't suit me. So look for others .
My life is slowing down now but that didn't stop me dating..internet dating. I won't say how many ladies I dated but sometimes 4 per week.
Its a 2 way thing. Basically damaged goods meeting damaged goods albeit at different stages of the process.
If you PM me I will give you the magic potion I discovered to get decent dates and quite honestly its not what you would imagine !! I put one profile up and after 300 replies in a week ...yes honestly !!! I had to take it down.
But dating isn't the only option. Being happy with yourself is top priority. Stand in front of a mirror and honestly assess yourself and change what you don't like. Are you man enough to wear a pink shirt ? Could your aftershave be better ?
Do you smile ? It all counts with how people look at you.
Looking back I was becoming a man settling into old age. Now Im a reborn teenager !! LOL. Never ever refuse an invitation however crummy the idea might be. You never know where it may lead. And believe me at 7am being still out with a younger crowd was an eye opener !!
But as you say..people do notice so its up to you to put on that painted smile.
As for the sailing club. You will find that people are only to glad to have a new member take part in whatever crackpot club they run. So walk to the sailing club and kick the door open. You never ever know where that kick might lead. But if you dont kick the door open you are always going to be on your own.
People at work are a bit concerned about me: I didn't realise it showed!I need to find an outlet, the garden is waiting but I'll be on own there. Perhaps I'll go round to that sailing club down the road. I'll have to drag myself there and force myself through the front door though!
Just read your blog and it struck a chord with me. Don't ever feel that your problems/feelings don't matter as their impact can colour your life and January is a particularly grey time. I used to live in the rural outback and I remember those long, dripping grey days but remember they will pass and the sun will come out again, which will increase your motivation. :)Great advice from others on here-I noticed that you are bi-lingual, have you considered teaching French locally (nearest town) for adults/students? It would be a good way to socialise too or you could attend an adult class yourself.
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. We're all here for you. (((Hugs.))) Teecher
Thank you everyone. I take 20mg of Citalopram every morning. Booze is supposed to increase depression so I'm off it 4 days a week. Doesn't make any difference but at least it's giving my liver a rest! I could try counselling but I've done it previously and the effects don't last long. I like walking so I could join a group (but I won't). I'm bilingual French-English and there are language groups but they're miles away in Manchester. I live in the sticks now. I should make the effort. Should. Anyway, woe is me, there are people with more serious problems.
Winterfrost,I have had the pleasure of meeting you,and yes you are a nice guy,a genuine one,and that is good,as Mitch said,nice people all the way...
Your job,well it did not stimulate you(if your in the same one)
You have gone through a complete lifechange,and that will take some getting used too.You have to get a new social circle going,and you will only do that GETTING OUT THERE...
When the weather improves you will have the allotment,and make friends there...Gosh that sounds so old,but allotments are the in thing nowadays...
Believe me I know that you have tried/are trying,you have gone done the many avenues with dealing with the divorce,you just need to find where your niche is...You will find it I am sure,but start maybe with a walking group first,fresh air,exercise and a chat will always help...
I think Mitchum is right, the anxiety/depression needs dealing with first. The depression could well be reactive and your view of the world will almost certainly be tarnished by it. " I bought a house, don't know why I bothered, I've installed a new bathroom, so what", do you think this sounds depressing. Depression won't go away on its own, yeah you might stumble on something which floats your boat for a while but depression can manifest itself in lots of different ways for example, physically symptoms like bad headaches.
Do you take medication for the depression. You may want to consider Counselling. When you have it under control a bit more and your thoughts and feelings feel more optomistic you may want to explore things that interest you, for example, photography, painting, cooking, walking or learning to play a musical instrument. It doesn't have to be anything big and grand. You could check out your local meet up groups and see if there is anything you might like there. I would like to join some meet up groups but for some reason my local groups seem obsessed with pub quizzes followed by more pub quizzes and or 80's revival nights. I can't think of anything worse lol.
You could also think of college courses, a new language maybe but whatever you decide the appeal for this new adventure will be tainted, or not even considered whilst you're carrying your ruck sack of depression around with you.i
I don't know if you like reading but there's a book which you might find interesting which is called " the chimp paradox" it's not the best book I've ever read but it does get you thinking and if you can recognise your chimp it might help you to start thinking differently.