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Brief Background

D Updated

Aim in life from age of 6 - get married and have children. Met him just before starting university, started going out during the Christmas holidays, went back and wanted to leave - what's the point of doing a BA when I'd found a man? He insisted I stay, we got married three weeks after I graduated. Five years and a day later, we had a son, two years and two months later (with an ectopic pregnancy in between), a daughter. Whilst I was pregnant with her, a new woman joined our drama group. Seemed nice enough, although I got fed up with her always wanting my husband to fix stuff in her flat.

Our daughter was three weeks old when he was offered a job 80 miles from home. He commuted, we rented, then moved there a week after her birthday. By the time she was five, he'd suggested we divorce, we'd been to Relate, sorted it all out, then he changed his mind. Preferred sitting in a field with the wind blowing on his face. Against his wishes, I saw a solicitor,who asked if he had a mistress. Of course not! A couple of months later, I confronted him having been given hints by a mutual friend, and he admitted it. Divorce initially rejected because he was still officially living in the marital home. Finally managed it November 1995.

A year later, sold the marital home, gave him his percentage, and bought my own home back close to family and friends. Brought up the children. No relationships. No confidence. No self-esteem. Finally improved enough to do a PGCE (primary teaching), a year and two terms after teaching had a breakdown, have had severe depression for the last three years.

User comments

3 comments
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I picked up on the drama group reference. take it you're in to that stuff. I'm a daram teacher and my own experience has taught me that lots of people believe you're hysterical most of the time,acting most of the time or incapable of a real emotion. So when you are emotionaly devistated no-one takes you seriously.
You have done all the hard work of raising your children. You have(if like me) smiled even though you are shattering inside. We feel things more intensly maybe but we can assimilate the experiences more effectivly than others(in my opinion and experience).
Your children will know one day in a blinding flash how strong their mummy was and your breakdown wasnt a letdown or failure.
The tank ran out on your emotions. You were in a situation that a minority experience and those who understand will not pass judgement.
It's always darkest before the dawn but even the darkest day only has 24 hours.
That space inside that seems huge at the moment will fill up. And I promise that in the future you will forget the bad stuff because the good stuff overflows and takes your breath away to the point of moving you to tears.
I kept a diary when I was ill and I wrote in it my wishes to the Universe. That was a year ago and I've never been happier. Try it?
L
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Thanks, Athene. Maybe I should print out some positive comments and stick them round the house, as they help for a few minutes, then the negative takes over again.
D
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But you're the one who's done well. You've managed to bring up the children, you've been strong, you've bought your own home, and you qualified as a teacher. Depression is an illness and it's not nice. But I've known plenty of people get through it - and plenty of people find relationships when they weren't expecting it. I hope you get through this and realise how much you have achieved - not all your childhood dreams, I know, but very few of us manage that. Good luck!
A