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Bump in the road

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Hi all, little update from me. So things have been calm enough recently, we have settled in to this strange routine of living together but living apart. It suits me at the minute. I've been trying my hardest to get along with her as much as possible although still not speaking much. A few weeks back she sent me some pictures of the kids while she was out at the park with them, something I put a stop to a while ago as I didn't think it was of any use to me to see my girls out with her without me. I said thank you and got a reply of 'well maybe you could send me some when you do stuff'. Fine ok so I did. That has now become the norm although I know it's no good, we do our separate thing then send each other photos of our day. The week before last she took them out and sent me a message saying I can come next week if I want. So me being an idiot agreed and the following week we took them out for the day together, it was slightly awkward but all in all a good day. Last week she took them on a Monday to Friday holiday in a caravan, she said I could go down for the day if I like so again I agreed. This was Wednesday. I've got to say we had a really nice day, we went to the beach went swimming all the things couples do with their kids on holiday. We took them to the clubhouse and I said I'm going to have to go soon, her reply? Well it's only an hour and a half drive home. So I stayed a bit longer, we played bingo together and had a bit of a laugh it was nice. Then i thought ok I really should go, I said I need to go now gave the girls a cuddle and a kiss and said goodbye to them, looked up and stbx was crying. I asked what was wrong but she just said nothing. I said goodbye and drive home and got a message on the way saying she's so sorry for everything. It's upset me greatly. I had a taste of family life back and it hit me hard what I was missing, they came home yesterday and things just carried on where they left off, her in her room me downstairs. I heard her in her phone talking to a friend saying Wednesday was nice, and also heard her talking about how she is still getting messages from OM. It hit me like a brick again, what the hell am I doing? I let my guard down and that's all it took to get a right hook on the chin. It's floored me again. I couldn't sleep last night and cried my eyes out, something I've not done for months. I was stupid, I thought maybe just maybe I could rescue this. I've hit a bump in the road and don't know which way to go.

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I too am living with my soon to be ex. But I am the 'wronged wife' and there is no one else involved. However, I do indetify a little with how your wife is feeling. She too is confused. You have decided to part, but she doesn't want to seem harsh or cold and unfeeling and so you go out and have a sort of good time. It is a time or readjustment. Believe me, she is probably as upset as you are, but this does not necessarily mean that she doesn't want it to end, but that she is hurting......
It seems to me from afar that she too is missing the family times you used to have. Whether that translates into wanting them back I don't know, but for what its worth, I think you did the right thing spending some time together with the children. It is better for them if they can see that you don't actually hate each other. They are very young, so you are going to have years of parenting them together and there are going to be times when you'll put on a brave face for their sakes and cry in private. That takes a brave man and you are that person.

However, it must feel strange to them that you were laughing and apparently having fun when at home you barely speak.

Be guided by your love for them and keep that thought as the focus of your days. Let that love show in all that you do when you’re with them.


It seems you have been lulled into a sense of false security by your ex. Whilst it is great that you spent some quality time with your girls, albeit with your stbx in tow, this has made things harder for you. I would question did your ex invite you along for her own purposes, or did she really have your girls best interests at heart. Maybe she is regretting what she has done, who knows what is going on inside her head.

You are not stupid, and as you say you have let your guard down, it's happens to the best of us.

You are doing so well. Keep working on you and your girls happiness.