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Carrie - What makes a man happy ?

B Updated

Carrie,

Sorry - too long to post ....

I believe you have all the qualities that would make a man happy.

Trouble is, there are "about 3.3 billion males" (courtesey WikiAnswers) on the planet.

So I guess it's about finding that man (good luck, have fun and stay safe!).

What makes one man happy will drive another insane, what one finds cute another finds irritating, what one finds threatening, another finds attractive, what one finds sexy another finds a turn-off.

It really is endless...

As we all know there is no guarantee that the person we set our hearts on will be 'the one' to love them, always and forever.
Even if they appear to be your soul-mate it can change over time or in the blink of an eye.
As a race of beings we have possibly evolved the whole process of mating into this 'pair for life' ritual of marriage, which is the most consuming of our brief spell on earth (and what brought us all here).

I have had a fair amount of relationship experience, but even so I am about to end my second marriage, no wiser about what is necessary to make a relationship work. As a few others have mentioned it either will or it won't. Is it better to stay together and settle for a life that will never truly fulfil you or make you happy ? Do you really have to 'work' at a relationship ?
But do we spend our lives alone knowing that the chances of actually finding 'the one' that is perfect for us forever are almost impossible?
NO !
In a simple answer as to what will make a man happy I say this:
Be youself.
Unfortunately, you must be prepared to understand that it may not make the man of your dreams happy, but there you go.
To make him happy you would probably have to be someone else wouldn't you?
Therefore he is not the man for you .....  whether you would like him to be or not!
What we percieve to be 'right' for us, is not always what is best for us.
I have quite a good mental image of the lady I think would be just right for me (in reality though I believe Pamela Anderson would be just a little more than I could handle!).
This is why so many people become false in a relationship, why 8 years down the line and a beautiful child later my stbx has turned into someone I don't know (or like very much).
Because she was false from the start.
She didn't really like my music, my hobbies, my views, my taste in food, anything really .... but she liked me.
So much so, she made the effort. However, how long can you keep that up for? Sooner or later she was always going to be the person she is (revert to type, think leopard and spots ...). Unfortunately that spelt the end of our marriage. In the end we not only had nothing in common, but we were such different people. It was impossible for us to reconcile such huge differences and also be happy and true to ourselves.
Nothing is more complicated than a human relationship and if we factor human error into the equation and all the complexities of the human mind, emotion and instict we are left with something that cannot really be defined. It is elusive, something we are always chasing, something we are instinctively yearning for .... "I now find it hard to think about that stuff with a new man - but can't bear the thought of not having that either. "
We are drawn to this as a moth to a flame, it is after all why we are here, find a partner and procreate (deep down we still always feel the urge to be with someone, we are not solitary animals as such, what we as civilised human beings have made it, is different, now it's not the fiercest / bravest / best hunter, but who has the best job / car / house. Next to confuse matters further it's not him but the guy who satisfies / understands / communicates with a woman, or the guy who is best in bed or is better looking or does all the housework (all of the above ... good luck !).

 I can only reiterate the fact that you should not strive to make a man happy unless that is what makes you happy (if so, do it just for that fact and not for any return .... ).

I think now, that a couple should make each other happy just by virtue of the fact that they are themselves and are together. You shouldn't have to work hard for it, worry about what it is, or that you are not doing it right, it should just be...

If it is not, then accept it, change it or get out of it!

But don't worry about it .... it was not meant to be and you were not right for each other.......

 

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