In 2 days it's my first wedding anniversary since he left 7 months ago, I'm dreading it. A couple of friends are meeting me for dinner, one insisted even when I said I would be OK. To top it off, when I picked up the kids after being with STBX for the weekend, we hardly exchanged a word and he walked off looking annoyed. I was upset because I heard from his friend's wife a few days ago details of what he actually got up to in cello lessons. It was no surprise but revolting to hear it confirmed via his friend. ANd I think he expected some lavish praise and gratitude for "helping out", even though he is having them the bare minimum time, and usually ropes in family to help. So 10 minutes later when I was arriving home I got another of his so-called accidental texts: "come over when you can hon". He immediately texted an apology, but the red angry beast took over and I sent him a number of angry texts, which just made me more upset. He probably got what he wanted - a reaction other than cold indifference, and punishment for him losing his free weekend. What hurt most of all was not so much the childish cruelty of letting me know his darling was coming over to warm his bed but just that little endearment "hon" reduced me to tears. He never called me that, never sent me loving texts, why was he was such an emotionally retarded pig with me and yet sends her those little endearments? I'm really tired of these horrible emotions and am aware I'm starting to bore and drain friends and family. I know it's going to be a hard week, it is such a hard slog trying to wrestle these intense emotions back into the box almost daily.
Glad it was ok Vastra. We have to rethink ourselves and take it a day at a time. My ex is fading as I haven't seen him for 8 months. It's harder for you as you have to have contact. Would emails be better so you could delete his number so you don't get those painful texts. Talk about twisting the knife. Sending a hug
Thanks again to all for your kind words, I survived and it wasn't so bad. We went to a rowdy Italian restaurant, planned girls' weekends away, and they reassured me I am better off and will flourish without STBX.
He is doing it deliberately because he knows he'll get a reaction. It is about him having power over you and the reason he does it is because his fantasy bubble has burst and he knows you'll react. Try not to rise to it and delete it. It will get easier.
Thanks for your support and advice. I think he is so emotionally retarded he doesn't even recognise what he is doing or why. One day at a time... tomorrow being our anniversary he may well be insensitive enough to be in touch so I may get to try ignoring him again, hopefully with more success.
Vastra it will be an incredibly hard day so am sending you ((())) lots of them.Let your friends care for you,cry laugh and use their strenght .I can only tell you that it helped me.
I found out about OW two weeks before my 31st. W,Anniversary.!
My beautiful friends rallied round and called in to spend time with me or phoned or text.So many tears shed but I was surrounded by their love and support.I admit I was in shock,and you are a little further on than I was,but using their strength helped.It can help you too and if they are like my friends they truly want to support you.
My stbx came after work to rub salt in the wound by asking me"are you alright",spoke to son for 5mins then stated he needed to go for his tea!that was it.
Prepare yourself if you can that stbx may get in touch,even if its by his stupid accidental text,try not to react.
Let your friends help take comfort from your children and know that the 1st one won't be round again.
Keep going you are a strong,courageous beautiful person ((()))
This stuff runs deep and it's v hard to understand unless people have been through it. The fact is the ex
who broke the marriage to be with someone else tries to deflect their guilt into their married partner or ex husband of wife. They will prod, provoke and try to get a reaction. They will continue to do this until they get it and then they can feel a little like somehow their actions were justified. Their is no justification for deception and their actions. Otherwise it would not cause such pain. We try to remain calm an to rise above what seems childish, or provoking. We are only human however. Strength can come from showing then our strong and calm side and by taking control of situations, putting children first etc. The anniversary is now just another day and we can make it a special day just for us.