went to see sol today. she said that if the house is sold it would go in favour of wife because if the kids 18,16 went with her she would have to rent a bigger house and i would have to pay the extra as well as maint??, when i told her this she said if i moved out and payed the mortgage and endowments untill the youngest doesnt need the house anymore then she would agree to a 50,50 split, if i dont do this she will take me for all she can get, thats great considering i dont want this in the 1st place. so it looks like it could be going from a lovely house to a room in someone elses house. is this fair? any advice gratefully recieved. thanks
Im not sure splitting kids is a good idea my daughter was the first to go to boarding school in UK and after a year when she came back she was terrible to her brother so I withdrew her and sent them both to the same boarding school in Germany, what a difference in just a few short weeks when all they had was each other.They stayed together there after, split at Uni but got together again when her borother went to the same Uni, of course also gave them both an indipendence from us parents I suppose, well sort of its still a case of dad have you got heheheh buts that kids.
If you have very specific things that you need advice on, you are better posting them in the forum at the top of the webpage (Community tag, Divorce Forum sub-menu item), where very knowledgeable and experienced people will reply. But you would need to provide details about house value, income of you and spouse, pensions, assets etc. Here in the blog, people tend to give more emotional support. I'm no expert, as I am only part way through the proverbial bendy tunnel, looking for my own personal light at the end, but here's my thoughts. As far as your kids go, you would be expected to provide for their needs until they are 18, or if they go into full time education, their 19th birthday. For 1 child you are looking at 10% of nett income (after tax and NI) and for 2 it would be 15%. Generally the court will favour the Parent With Care (PWC) so you could be looking at either your spouse staying in the FMH (Family Marital Home) until the kids reach 18, or are out of full time education, with you renting yourself, or selling the FMH and facing an order as part of the divorce where you are required to pay maintenance for the kids, plus spousal maintenance to 'top up' the spouses income to an acceptable (in the eyes of the court) level. It is much better to find a solution by mutual agreement (for example through mediation), than to go through the courts and incurring shed loads of solicitors fees. As to where you go, it a question of what you can afford. In your case you are looking at three years before youngest no longer requires your financial support. Look at it this way, you are probably young enough to rebuild your life. It isn't good, it's not what you want, but sadly this is how it is. You need to face up to some hard facts. Fair? I don't think so, but you have to play with the hand of cards that you have been dealt. It's crap mate, but that is how it is. Like I said, you are probably young enough to start again, so start thinking about that new life, where you are in the driving seat, taking your decisions about your life. It is early days for you and you are dealing with all sorts of issues, emotional, financial and practical. Don't lose sight of you in all of this. You have to ask yourself some very hard questions about where life might be going, and how you are going to move forward. There is a whole new life out there, involving you, your kids and your soon to be ex (STBX). At the end of the day, you are both parents to your kids, and there will be future occasions where your kids want you both to be involved. Successes, maybe weddings, christenings, all kinds of things. It will be different to the previous life. You can decide what it is going to be, so invest some time in thinking it through and planning it.
Good luck mate, and take care. Stick a posting in the forum with some specifics and someone will give you some practical or financial advice.
Life will get better - promise!