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Dark clouds

MPcannotcope
Updated
So now it feels like dark clouds are gathering.  The only thing that seems to help me are the happy pills and the support from a couple of close friends.  My parents and siblings just want to see a big fight as they hate what my ex has done and want her destroyed so getting support from them isn't any good.

The younger kids will go out with me or come to my place for a few hours but will not open up.  As long as there is an activity they are happy, otherwise it is nose in phones and silence.  The eldest, now 17, has made every excuse to minimise contact, normal teenage behaviour I was thinking until I realised that even the requests to ask for a lift to wherever or for money have suddenly decreased.

So the ex is succeeding in poisoning their minds.

She still does not accept the outcome of the 3rd and final court hearing resulting in the court order.  

She was given the means and responsibility to secure housing for herself and kids 2 years ago as a result of the court order giving her the majority share of the equity.

The fact that she dragged it through the courts and ended up with 70 grand in legal fees made it worse for her I agree but that is not a problem for me to solve.

She just whines that the judge didn't give her enough and expects me to move back with my parents and pay more to her.

And 2 years down the line as I predicted to myself and close friends she has insufficient funds to purchase anything.  The kids have flatly refused to move out of travelling distance from their schools.  She can never say NO to the kids, she never could (hence a lot of overspending during the marriage).  She is refusing to say NO to them now.  One part of me is thankful as the areas they were considering moving to were so far away I would have spent most of the weekend just travelling to see them.  She is not the type of woman to bring the kids to me nor let them travel unacommpanied, besides their minds are poisoned so much they won't stay with me.

She has wasted 2 years in expensive Bed and Breakfast instead of looking for a house purchase within her means, then in December rented a 2 bed flat for a year.  The landord decided to terminate their lease at 6 months which means they have 4 weeks to move.  The gave verbal notice at 3 months and written notice at about 7 weeks.  She has had some time to prepare for this.  All she has done is blame me for her predicament, threatened court and texted me abuse on an almost daily basis then expected me to negotiate to guaranteed a mortgage for her.

I tried to come to an arrangement with guaranteeing the mortgage as long as it was within the spousal maintenance.  Whereas the level is within that to start with, if (when) interest rates go up in 5 years or so then I become liable for the extra.  I tried to disuss compensation for that given that I have to pay spousal maintenance until death.  She flipped from one point of view to another since March and the figures kept going up and up as she was hoping to find a "better" house and get more out of me.

Instead all that has happened is with 1 month to go before becoming homeless, she has realised she is not going to be able to purchase and has to commit to paying 1 year upfront on another rental, completely blowing out her chances of having a big enough deposit.  She has the money sitting in the bank so doesn't qualify for council housing.

She has tried offering a deal to to forgoe the spousal maintenance after the mortgage is paid off, but with the daily abuse by text I haven't been able to give it serious consideration particularly as she would then expect me to guarantee the mortgage even after the kids have grown up - I really do not trust her not to force a court case to sell the house sooner so I would be stuck if mortgage rates double.

Refusing to take responsibility she has been telling the kids it is my fault.  They have had a lot of stress and it has manifested in physical symptoms for them, their school absence record has worsened since Feb.

Somehow I feel guilty sitting in my secure 1 bed flat rental knowing that my kids are going through this.  But I don't have a magic wand.  I don't have a pot of money spare.  I am just about managing on the income I have to pay the spousal and child maintenance and my own rent and putting money into a pension so that I have some chance of paying spousal maintenance for life.  My hands are tied.

She will end up renting until all the former equity is gone.  I don't think it will take long to disappear.  Then she can blame me for them having to live in council housing.

This is the 2nd time since 2014 I have been on the happy pills.  Don't know if I will ever be able to come off them.

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Council houses are not the problem here. It is a roof over your children's heads and a bed for them to sleep in.

The text you get you don't have to respond to. Don't let them get you down. If you are paying your maintenance then you need to have no further communication with her.

Your children, don't push them for information. What happens in their other home needs to stay there. Just be nice to them, do fun things with them and they will get to know you for who you are and eventually just enjoy being with you without all the questions about their mother. They don't what to play piggy in the middle. Kids have minds of there own and will make choices for themselves. They will choose to be with the person that askes the least questions regarding what the other parent is doing.

Take life slowly and enjoy every second of it. :)