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Decree Nisi and Letting Go of my Marriage.

Z Updated

Have just found out that my Decree Nisi is set for early September.  Receiving the solicitor's letter was yet another 'blow' in this long and painful process.  Although I knew the Decree Nisi would come, it still felt like a shock to actually read the words.  The letter said that my husband is entitled to a divorce on the grounds of 'unreasonable behaviour' which, even after 8 months into the process, I find deeply hurtful and ironic.  (In different circumstances, I could have brought a divorce against my husband for unreasonable behaviour that I have tolerated for years.  I could not have afforded to divorce him and, anyway, I believed in staying with the marriage for the sake of our relationship and stability for the children.  We have been going through a difficult time financially and I thought this could be sorted out.)

I find I am overwhelmed with panick as I see my marriage being dissolved.  I still feel the need to reach out to my husband emotionally but he has put up a 'barrier' against me.  I still feel I need his love in order to survive but he no longer has any love for me.  This situation is very difficult because we are still sharing the STBX marital home because both our names are on the house deeds and I do not have anywhere else to go yet.  I really wish I could 'turn back the clock' and make everything alright again but this is impossible.  I realise I must move forward but I do not know where to.  The feelings of grief, hurt and sadness seem almost too much to bear.  I do not know how I can live beyond this.

My STBX husband (thinks) he has his life, without me, all mapped out.  He will have the house and the children will continue to live with him.  He has his new career as a teacher and he has lots of support from his family.  In comparison, I have nothing.  I will have to leave my home (STBX is remortgaging the house to buy me out for a divorce settlement) and will have to find somewhere else.  At present, I have no job, no career and not much prospect of obtaining this.  At first, I will have to survive on state benefits and I have no way of knowing if this will have to be a permanent way of life.  I have not been able to work for several years due to mental illness (severe depression and anxiety).  It just seems I will be nothing without my marriage.  I am not sure I can face living alone (or with strangers).  At the age of 45, all I can see is nothing left in life except an existence of poverty and loneliness.  It is too painful but I am being forced to let go of this marriage and move on when I shall never be prepared for the future - there is no future that I can see.

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zant,
Big Hug
You are bound to feel this way as you do not know what the future holds.It will sound harsh but the future will be what you maake of it.At 45 you are not too hold to be able to build a life for yourself and hopefully have your children it.I think you should enroll for a course.I am not sure how it goes but you will be entitle to jab seekers allowance.The money will not be great but it will do you a power of good to be out there with other people.It will stave off depression and give you a social life too.
When you are a happier person and better mentally you will find that people's reaction will be better and things will keep on improving.So start from now ,you cannot change what has happened but you can help shape your future.
good luck
M
Comment
Hi Zanth45
Sounds like you are going through hell. Seek help from your doctor as soon as you can.
Things seem daunting now (the future) but the only way to find out if it will be is to say I can cope and, like your stbx, set out a road map of your future short, medium and long term. You then need to focus on this and do not let your illness stop you acheiving your goals. Keep it simple and realistic.

Depression and anxiety can be managed to the extent that people do learn to cope.

I would put my anger and hurt into sorting things out to move on as quickly as I can to get out of your situation (your previous blogs) to make it that I could get myself a life instead of your current situation dragging you further down into your unhappiness.
Good luck. Keep your spirits up. :)
TG