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Dr Foster Round Two

RockSteady
Updated

Like Dr Foster herself many of us will watch series two and the unfolding drama will remind us of de stabling times in our own lives. Thank fully we don't have to experience the reality of living through our troubles again unlike our main character does unless of course we are still enduring our own personal series one. 

 

As the scenes played out on Tuesday's opening I recognised again many of the most significant echoes of deep hurt. Our world descends into a fog. We operating almost automatically and somehow very detached from other people and our environment. We make mistakes with our child or children sharing some of our pain with them even though we don't want to and know it's wrong. Try as we might we just can't hide how we are feeling. We can't stop thinking about everything especially what motivates the ex and why he or she has taken certain decisions or behave as they do. We wonder constantly how all this will affect our future. 

 

We know that "no contact" is likely to be the only way for us to move on with our lives. Our main character proclaims that she can't "move on" and her ex goads her that therein lies her problem! Dr Foster has removed her ring. She has placed it in a decorative box in the top drawer. She returns often to look at the box not knowing why. Finally she removes the ring from its hidden place and finds a way to calmly and very deliberately destroy it. I placed mine in a leather bound travel wallet my ex had given me one Christmas. For many years I didn't know exactly where the wallet was but I could always picture the ring nestling in the special zipped up pocket. I never destroyed it or threw it into a river. The scenes that played out captured really well the power of this symabilism of marriage, togetherness and now broken trust. Eventually I just forgot about mine but I know I did wonder what to do with it up until that point. I once wrapped it in my decree nisi and thought I might bury it somewhere that felt fitting!

 

Expertly filmed, there were images and actions we also recognised from the first series and again in our own previous lives: She goes on a date when so not ready, doesn't scratch his car this time but bumps her car door into his wing mirror wanting to leave a permanent scar. She returns to the bottle as a coping mechanism, necking it straight. Not good but, been there, done that! There is a heavy mixture of strongly felt emotional turmoil punctuated with allarming twiches of lost control. At other times we just sit and stare. Our trance is held firmer by a whirling brain and constant thoughts of him or her.

 

Pain has a habit of rippling outwards affecting those that are closest to us. Their son can't seem to find his own space. He is lied to by a parent and feels no one is listening to him or putting him first. Once again we see how children can be used by their parents, a pawn in the game of mud slinging and to score points against the other. We start to ask ourselves who are the adults in the situation and why can't they just put their child or children first. The truth is that mistakes are made because people are human. Everyone of us can descend into a world of extraordinary pressure released only for a time by irrational behaviours and incoherent activities. Did you ever drive past "their" house, go out of your way to attempt spy on him or him or her? Did you ever imagine you might harm them or yourself? I sincerely hope not. If you did I can tell you I know what all these things feel like. They feel like the world is no longer yours to live in or be apart of. 

 

I hope we see a return for Dr Foster to coping strategies that will see her gain strength. We know that this is what happens for us eventually and it all really does get better. Luckily in the real world no one parent can simply run off with the child, dog and life savings without legal agreement. Unlike the tv drama, there has to be shared care terms put in place for children. On this area and in others I do end up shouting at the telly! 

 

Perhaps the new series deals with one of the main topics of divorce commonly asked by those that have never been through it: "Why can't you just get over it"?! What they don't realise until they have to face it themsleves is that unfortunately we never do .... we are changed because we have learned to live again. We started from scratch, we are changed and different, stronger and reborn.


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Rocksteady, how very perceptive, all so very true, I havnt watched the new series, want to but worried it will set me back. I'm nearly at the end of the nightmare. Even grown up kids get hurt through the process.
Thanks for your blog.