A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Emptiness

S Updated
Well, it's a week since I last blogged. It's been a funny old week. Highs and lows. All alone but been kept busy working late. By the time I got home and was fed, it was time for bed. This kept my thoughts away from the situation. My agreed phone calls on Tuesday and Thursday didn't happen. Her phone was switched off. Nobody could get through. The estate agent tried and so did our eldest son. No luck. It was so surprising to me how much I missed them not talking to my kids. It's my eldests birthday tommmorow and he came to stay with me today. We both went to collect my other two. Oh how pleased to see me was my little angel. My heart melted and so began a huge hug. I didn't want to put her down. Out came my boy. He had two birthday cards in his hands. No sign of dipsy. (STBX). We left. Went shopping. Got home and spent the afternoon cuddling my princess while the boys were on the commy. Now I might have made a rod for my own back now. At work, we have a sales competition. To win VIP tickets with red bull to the British F1 grand prix. Half way through I'm in a winning position. It's my middle boys dream to work in F1 in design and the way he is going in school he will make it. So I said if I won he can be my guest. Only problem now is will she let him. It will crush him if she won't. I suppose I cross that bridge when I get to it. I did though get to talk to dipsy. Telling her that the estate agents were needing her to call them. I also asked why she was not allowing them to talk as she had her phone off. Get this. " this phone is for emergency calls only when you need to phone me when you have the kids. It's not to talk to them on" I said that was twoddle. I know she has another phone which she denied. Twoddle. The kids have told me you have two. Lies again. " you will have to wait till I get a landline fitted. When it does I will make sure you have the number. Until then. Tough. " I couldn't stand another second of her voice and cut the phone off. Had to. Otherwise I could feel myself getting wound up. I am not going to give her the pleasure of seeing it wind me up. Fed the kids. A nice feed even if I say so myself. On way back we stopped in the village and took them to a fair that's here. Stayed as long as we could before we had to go. That upset my princess. By the time they were back home she calmed down. I noticed her car in the middle of the drive. Strange. Got out and gave my princess another big hug. As she let go I felt my another piece of my heart go with her. I waved. Blew kiss and she went in. Then something strange happened. I smiled. That's when I saw she had a flat tyre. I knew she can't change it. I sat in the car for a short while expecting her to come out and ask for help, but she didn't. Back home now and yet again the emptiness has returned. My eldest is here But he is up in his room on commy. i think I will take him out for a drink. Hardly any money left but he deserves one and I think so do I. What I would give to be 19 again. That's how old I was when he was born. Those were the days eh. Is looking back helpfull? Should I have smiled at her misfortune? Do absent dads get a fair chance at their children's upbringing? Will I get rid of feeling empty?

User comments

1 comment
To write a comment please register or
Comment
Oh Snappy,
My heart goes out to you!

Hope you enjoyed the drink with your eldest, that you win the competition and you see lots of your princess!
O