I've also posted something similar in the forum , but wanted to add to my blog as I find its always helped me with my emotions. So, I said my ex had a diagnosis of stomach cancer last summer, he has been reasonably well until recently , but now I think he is in the final stages. He collapsed at home a week ago and has been in hospital since , basically his stomach is no longer able to digest his food, so even if he eats, after a while he is sick and brings back everything. We still see each other occasionally if our paths cross through our sons or socially. I last saw him about a month ago and he had lost a lot of weight., I wanted to go and visit him in hospital but my younger son said, dad might not like that, so I got my older son to ask if it would be okay, the answer came back no problem so I went on Friday. We were able to talk to each other, he told me he regrets the affairs he had when we were married, and he seemed genuinely regretful. However I have to remind myself that being full of regrets was his usual position when he came back to me having had an affair and I was so soft I had him back more than once. But I lie awake at night worrying about him, and dreading the end when it comes. I also feel awful for our sons who are 26 and 21 and having to deal with everything, if we had still been married I would have been at the hospital dealing with all that. The younger son has taken it very badly and it's affecting his studies, the elder one said to me Dad has made some bad choices in his life . There will also be a lot to sort out when he dies, he bought a house that needed major renovation and it's not finished, but the boys will have to sell it as it has a mortgage on it and they will have to sort all the things out that are in the house, I don't want the things back, but part of me thinks they were half mine ! The best bit is my lovely new partner who has said, I'm there for you , I understand you need to be with your family, and has listened to me when I'm upset. I've also got a great network of family and friends and my wiki friends to sound off too as well !
My sympathy. A very tough time indeed. These are the times when the truth of lives together and apart are layer bare for all to see. Truths have always been there, lying in waiting for when we are prepared to stare and them or listen to them. It sounds to me like your ex knows this all too well. No one wants to have to relive all the past experiences and pain. It is of course inevitable that this happens. We have to deal with things I think as we have before with dignity, quite confidence and caring. My ex asked me during the very worst times in our separation: "who judges". I told her that I believed in the end that it doesn't really matter who or how others judge us because in the end we will judge ourselves if we have the time.
I'm glad you wrote this blog I have seen it on the forum but unable to answer on there.
I feel this is such a very sad situation, sad is probably an understatement. Even when families are together
Last days of loved ones is devestating. But in your situation I can only think each if you is feeling the pain
Along with reliving the situation of divorce, hurt, disappointment. I don't know what I would do in this situation, except I think for this circumstance I would go with the heart and a thing called compassion. You don't have to do anything other than stick together with your sons you all need each other for a lot longer , you X has a very small amount of time left, I know you have been through a lot due to X infidelities. But I wonder if it's time to make peace as much for yourself as for him. I'm sure the three of you along with his sister can sort the practicalities later on. I'm sending love and sympathy for you all to get through this difficult time.