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Fearful of what to expect

5masheddreams
Updated
Today I feel very frighten of the future..........why???

Very shortly I am to attend my first collaborative meeting and whilst having meditated over all the scenarios one that comes freuqently to mind it that of "what to really expect"
We started the process of separating/divorcing on a "speakable/amicable (if that's possible) basis saying that we both wanted to do, above all else, what was right for the kids and, if possible, remain civil to each other throughout and after the process.
The kids are early twentys and are getting on with their lives - Grad Training Programme & the other completing her PGCE & for the time being living at home.

From a start position of being "amicable" I have just spent the last few weeks being completely & utterly stone-walled; in her eyes I do not even exist!!!
Nothing, absolutely nothing!!!!!

I have always said that I would do what is right for my two kids (and to be fair, so has she).......no matter what but my ever growing fear is that after the initial meeting when she realises that life will not be "a bed of roses

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Wise words, Mitchum.

Good luck with getting through it all, 5mashed.
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Please understand that being scared is absolutely normal. There are so many things to be afraid of at the stage you're at now, because you can only guess what life will be like after the divorce and fear of the unknown is pretty compelling and at times terrifying. Especially in the early hours of the morning when sleep just won't come.

Fear because you've seen what happens to friends who get divorced, selling up and managing the reduced budgets; fear because the person you loved has become a stranger and you're left wondering how you strayed so far from your promises to be amicable and now you fear that you no longer exist for her. And yes, fear that you're feeling older and maybe lost your looks, and nobody else will ever want you now; who's going to love me now, etc etc. and so the thoughts go on spiralling out of control.

You don't say who's idea this is, but facing the fears is the only way to deal with them and sometimes we need help with that. I did and very many other wikis needed professional counselling, so please don't be too proud to ask for help. Your GP can refer you or you can attend Relate, either as a couple or you can go alone. They will help you to put things into perspective. They do the thinking outside the box for us when we are just too afraid to think beyond the next five minutes.

On the plus side,the children are successfully getting on with their lives and becoming increasingly independent and are old enough to understand that sometimes life doesn't go as planned.

Lean on us here and anyone who will listen. Write a journal where you can write down all your thoughts and fears and do keep writing blogs so wikis can leave messages of support.