A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Fingers Crossed

E Updated
Nearly three years since he split and I’m not crying every day any more. I’m not waiting for him to come back or even wishing he would. On the contrary I think that by leaving he has done me a huge favour. And by behaving so unexpectedly badly (refusing to support any of his dependents in any way at all and sitting by – living it up even - while we rely on food handouts and face his huge debts and eviction) he has also done me another huge favour. He has finally toppled from the pedestal I had him on, and forced me to start climbing my own. I am stronger and healthier and happier than I have been for a long time (so take heart all of you still on the floor and red raw). One of the things that has been intriguing me lately is how very much my perception changes day to day. How eg the house falling through can affect everything. Of course it does affect just about everything – the financial and purely practical knock on effects are wide reaching and always for the worst. And in the meantime I am in limbo. The woman I am meant to be buying from has had me dangling for months. She has been doing exactly what my X did for years: never saying No but never actually delivering. Always being about to. So – just as with him – I lurch from one hope to the next and it never seems quite worth cutting my losses. I suspect that many here have had similar experiences: the alcoholic or philanderer or gambler or abuser who promises again and again that (s)he has changed. So on a much reduced scale it has been with this property I was to have moved into a few months ago. It doesn’t drive me insane as I would have expected in the olden days. I am less anxious (though homelessness looms and in addition to having no job my benefits have been inexplicably stopped). I am better able to observe my own reactions, but objectivity is hard. Human relations are tricky whether it is a lover or child or a perfect stranger who has promised to sell you her home and yet somehow never does. It was ten years or more of daily broken promises and attendant dashed hopes that made me crazy. And made me think it was my fault he left. On the days when I am expecting to sign contracts I am full of excitement and joy. At the close of business or when another spanner becomes evident, I am despondent. Starting to realise that this does not make me gaga, it makes me normal. And it makes me re-evaluate my part in his abandoning us – yes I was impossible to live with, I still say that. But not because I was crazy. Turns out HE was impossible to live with but I didn’t know it. Now I am starting the process of trying to buy a different property and (as with the last 4) I am (when I have many other things to do) thinking happily about what furniture might fit in a home a fraction of the size of this, and how we might live (in an area I had never even heard of before two days ago). Fingers crossed.

User comments

There are no user comments for this listing.
To write a comment please register or