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how has it come to this?

E Updated
Almost a year to the day since we celebrated our 20th anniversary with declarations of love and a romantic weekend away, tomorrow we meet in court. The weekend was lovely - it was the first time in years that we had spent time alone together. No children to worry about, no chores. The sun shone on us and we had time for each other, walking, sitting in cafes. And we were back in the country where we had first met. It was almost like old days. Things surely were on the mend. I admit, I cried in the street when I discovered the suite he had booked for the night was £1000. He looked so forlorn and I hated myself for spoiling things - poor guy, he was just trying to do something nice, couldn't I accept graciously instead of whining about the money? Oh if only it were just the hotel suite! A year on and I have just discovered that he has been lying to me for five years and has run up debts of half a million pounds. He has not been paid a penny for most of the time since he walked out on us late last year, and for years before that his earnings were not what he claimed (and what we spent). Knowing that, has he been sleeping on a friend's sofa? Nope. Although he says he has run out of credit at the bank and on credit cards, he is now borrowing from friends and colleagues to pay his rent of £4.5k per month. While I (housewife, mother, student) thinking all these years that my husband was earning big bucks (because that's what he told me) have no income, and am living in a house with a huge mortgage which he is not paying. So, tomorrow we meet in court. Happy 21st anniversary.

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So selfish to put you in this position. I agree with the above. Don't feel guilty. He is and was dragging you down a dark hole financially. I am seeing a man right now that I am having concerns about. It seems that when there is money in the wallet, he is buying something. He's so sweet to me, but this is a flag that makes me want to run for the hills.
I
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How did it go?

((()))
P
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Hi Eliza - just thinking about you. Hoping you are ok to ok ish and not sinking.
SF
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Thinking of you Eliza, hope it goes as well as could be (or went well if already done). And don't feel bad for choking at the cost of the anniversary night last year - I would have been upset with the extravagance too, it's a lot of money, worse when you now know he couldn't afford it. As the others say, I'm amazed he is still being lent money, when will he have to face his financial reality as you have?
V
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adding my best wishes too Abs x
A
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Oh my god sending you a huge hug I hope everything goes well for you. As stem ginger says each step forward is a step forward into a bright and new future, remember you are not alone we will be there for you xxx
N
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Thanks all

Just checked and naturally he has just sent my solicitor a letter - 23 pages of gibberish (to me) mainly accounts that I can't understand. My sol is on holiday. Brilliant. The gist seems to be that there is no money and lots and lots of liabilities. I notice that his lawyer specialises in high net worth individuals.

There was I ready for bath and bed at about 8 this evening, now it's 10.30 and I know I won't get any sleep. Have to be up early for the children and am going to be awake fretting all night. He sleeps like a log. There is no justice in this world.

PS Mitch - yes, he is it seems totally without feeling...
E
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Hallo elizadoolittle, just wanted to wish you all the best for tomorrow. I hope the benefits of moving things forward will outweigh the strain of it but hope you will have support anyway.
S
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Unless he is totally without feeling, he will be more afraid of tomorrow than you are. You are the realist and have faced the truth. He should have the truth laid bare for him. Be prepared as it won't be nice. Hope you have people with you for support. (((())))

Be brave a little longer; be strong for your children's sakes, whereas he has failed them, you will not. We're thinking of you and whatever happens, we'll be here for you.

((()))
M
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There is a principle about irresponsible lending. Though I think I this case it's closer to fraud.

((()))
P
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