Hi Everyone, I'm new here, and first time for me to write on any blog! so appologies in advance for long story and any gramatical errors!
Had been married for 24 yrs knew him for a year before we got hitched, have two lovley children now aged B,22 & G20 , he now ex services, discharged on medical grounds (2000)usual life experences that life throw's at you i feel either makes or brakes you in our case felt it had brought us closer, epecially 3 wk's after we were wed he was diagnosed with cancer (sucessfully treated after op and follow up treatment) lived in the south west (SW) prior to moving up to the midlands, (he's a brummie by birth) wanted to give the kid's a better chance & oppertunity to obtain job's, career's (his also) etc, i was very happy in my post and was actually begining to forge through now that the kid's were not so dependent on me has been difficult and have virtually been asingle mum due to his various draft's (not always easy but that's service life for you, which i accepted) so reluctantly agreed, supporting him and decision, (stand by your man & all that!) Having traded places with the SW for the mid's seemed happily settled, our life was suddenly a whirlwind, going here there everywere, such a net work of places to go ie; very central to airports etc, only been there two year's when i felt the the first signs of "somthing wrong" but could'nt put my finger on it, dont think any body else involved but i am quite nieve, just so totally loved him. First idication was when i was going to see my brother in spain (who had moved out there year prev) his suggestion, as going thro teenage angst, to give us all a break, & so kid's relize "i'm not a slave" normally go every where togeather, so this was very different. At the airport he blurted out "you should have married a fat happy man & i should have married a S**t" taken aback by this, then having to board plane he then mouth's i love you! boarded plane feeling utterly confused & sobbing my heart out. came back home atosphere quite tense, had been doing DIY whil'st away (not happy about this as loads of mess etc Bth'rm) lot 's of other hint's on his part during the month's that followed. Iwas trying to cheer him up, so text to say both kid's out for tea shall we have some quality time togeather i'll buy tea out,
Whil'st out seemed ok a bit peoccupied trying hard to cheer him up, when he burts out crying and say's we should seperate, still confused & did i really here what i thought i herd him say mode, not a word was said during the drive home , but i went out in the garden (dark by then) sobbing my heart out, he then came out to find me saying he did'nt mean to hurt me! what's he trying to say! anyway thing going from bad to worse in nov 2002 , having agreed to seperate. He handed me some seperation papers saying that we would have to sell the house i would get the bulk of the equity in order that we start afresh, when i said that theres no way i can purchase any thing up here for my salery was £18k, he reluctantly agreed to give me £500 maintainance per mth. All cleaverly and underhandedly planned (one of his other outburt's was that he was waiting for the kid's to grow up! ie; bothe over 16 etc ) he also said that he would pay for the divorce after 2 yr's of living apart, unfortunatly for him the following Jan /Feb he was made redundant, short term pay off so obviously he had to sort out his finance's PDQ untill house was sold, unfortunatly for him he 'did'nt try to get another well paid job was on £30+ & dissability pension further £11-12k annualy. what he is doing now is earning approx £15 + dissability pension on top, dispite having sold marital home will i still be entitled to claim anything else ie from pension ? not sure if this is a deliberate tactic on his part to have a low income, but at the same time i am also aware of his likley changes of health needs in the future & that daughter is living with him (he's renting) I' not a money grabber but just want to have some kind of closure, i wish him well but he obviously made he mind up before we moved up here that he was planning to do this , have degree nici date due next week,(DIY to save money!)& B.Brother helping me out with cost's with sol's. form "E" due to be signed & exchanged this week. how long will i have to wait untill outcome & how will (if awarded) will this be paid monthly ,lump or tied up into pension? thank you if any one has taken the time to read & or answer hoping to return to the SW when son leaves home (buying own place soon)