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I really thought he'd be a bigger person than this.

Z Updated
So today I came home from a weekend at the besties,  and decided to finally ask the question that's been on my mind for weeks. 'Where's the 30k going then?'

Rewind a few weeks...

He's gone into St Thomas's hospital today for quadruple heart bypass surgery. A high court sheriff has turned up at the house requiring 2k for an outstanding bill. My dad's paid up.
The husband on the other hand has left us with nothing. Nada.  He's not worked properly for months, hasn't bothered to put anything aside, nor come up with a plan. I'm working full time and paying for everything. 
Dad tells me to sort my life out, be happy, get rid of him. Move out while he's in hospital. But how can I? What does that say of Me?

Move forward a week. He's coming out of hospital and going to stay with his parents for a couple of weeks to recuperate so I don't have to take time off work.
From the moment we meet at the hospital, I realise it's over. I'm done. 
We get in a cab, and the moaning starts.  About anything. The weather, the traffic, an ambulance , you name it.
And I know then for certain.

We get to the car and I drive him in the pissing rain down the M20 to his parents place. 'Are you going to overtake ' 'You're going the wrong way
J actually have to stop the car and get out. 
I drop him at the parents and me and the kids come home breathing a sigh of relief.
I call one of his best friends, tell him I'm letting go. I don't want him home. Can he just support him if he needs it. I mean the guys just had major surgery and I'm booting him out.
I call his step mum who has always been a shoulder to cry on. He's like his dad you see and she left him for a few months last year because she couldn't take the whining any more. 
'Well I'm not having him, I've had enough already, come and get him' is her reply. I can't go and get him cos there's no petrol in the car and he's left me skint, plus we owe my dad 2 grand. 
So his parents phone my dad, telling him not to help us out, it's all our own fault.(My dad isn't listening)
I phone my husband to tell him I don't want him to come home. I feel like a complete bitch, but I'm worn out with it all. 'Ok is his reply. 'I'll go
Just like that. I've given him his get out of jail free card. (He's been threatening to go, every drunken Friday night for the last 10 years)

The next day he's home and saying that he'll go as soon as he's better. No talking about it. No questions. Just resignation.
The bedroom is his annexe, he's up there phoning the council and HMRC regarding benefits. But nothing. I suggest as he's 56 he could take a small part of his frozen pension to help us through and see him get a deposit for somewhere. He agrees.
A few weeks go by, he talks about moving out, I make coffees, we get on as well as we ever have. But still nothing towards the kids or shopping or anything. My friends send me money, take me shopping, my dad pays a few bills.

We have a joint bank account, but only his money goes in there, and i take his half of the rent from it. I've had my own account  for years because I'd go shopping and he'd have bought a load of stuff on eBay and the accou t would be empty.  
A couple of weeks ago, 4 grand appeared. I assumed this was pension money and thought it wasn't much  it enough for the time being. I didn't mention it but did take the rent money (my half too). A few days later 36 grand goes in and then disappears into his savings account. THIS is the pension money. 
I smile. He's finally coughing up. J choose not to mention it for the time being. See how this plays out. 
I don't want his pension. He must have taken half of it now and that doesn't leave much for the rest of his life. He's got nothing else. I just want a car 5o get about I  as he's taking ours because he's got finance on it.

I've come back from a weekend away today, he's picked me up from the station,  seems happy. We get home and I finally broach the subject. 
Yes, he's found somewhere and will probably be gone by the end of the week. Ok.
It's a caravan in Hastings.
Right so 15 miles away. What about the kids?
It cost 36 grand.
Well I need somewhere to live, You've kicked me out.
Yes, but a deposit on a flat is only going to be a couple of grand tops.
No it's not, it's really expensive blah blah. This is all your fault blah blah.
I sit in stunned silence. He's stormed off. Am I really so naive to think that he might want to make up for the last few months of nothing. That he might want to contribute towards his children. That he might at least want to pay my Dad back? I cannot believe he's spanked the lot. A quick check of the joint account proves it. He really has. 

He's upstairs now watching tv without a care in the world. 
I'm emptying the joint açount of it's last 800 quid. 

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Excuse spelling n grammer :D
Hi ZZ yes I can relate a lot to what your saying! I've been through years of it, staying in an in happy marriage, and when finally you have enuf and state that you want them to leave all hell breaks loose and your then bad one, not a care for contributing money wise to kids all takes its toll, you will get through i, although it seems to take forever to get sorted. My finances are still in the ai, have been to court once and nothing came of it, we ar both not budging on the family home and I'm not selling until my youngest is 18, bit o still feel the stress of it on a daily basis. Just learn to manage it really. I long for the day when I'm settled. I have a lovely man in my life now and every day I thank my lucky stars I took the decision to end my marriage, it takes courage and I still feel I'm paying for it!! But I know it was the best decision I ever made. Good luck and like the Mitchum said you can draw support from this group? It's been great for me. Good luck x
Hello ZZ and welcome to wiki.

Be reassured that you're definitely not alone. Many Wikis will be able to relate to much of what you have written. All the things which have happened with his hospitalisation, worry about how you will provide for the children without his help, his high-handed attitude and spending £36K without consultation, leaving you with a few hundred, are very high on the list of life stressors. Put simply, you are suffering from stress overload. Not surprising you're feeling so lost, angry and fearful. I'm filled with admiration for you for being so strong for so long!

Some things will have to be dealt with fairly quickly, but otherwise don't make any rash moves, no knee-jerk reactions. Certainly the finances need sorting pretty quickly as he is spending joint assets and the £36K will have to be included as being in the joint pot for sharing what's left at the end of the day.

It sounds as though your father is a rock in your life and thank goodness for that. Lean on family and friends at home and wiki friends now you've found us.

It may be that you'll need professional help to get through this and if you feel it's becoming overwhelming, talk things over with your GP who may refer you for counselling.

Although it's very hard to believe right now, in time this will be just something which happened once and he will be someone you used to know. You truly deserve better.

A hug for today and for being so very brave already. ((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))