found out this week how old my ex ow is.. they say love is blind etc but she is 74,he is 56,and i am only just 50. so now I know he must have been seeking a mother figure, if that is what the attraction is.Its no coincide that his own mother died a few months previously to the start of their affair. I do not understand it. age is no barrier, but i simply don't get it.She is in a wheelchair,so quite needy and very insecure.why would n old woman like that knowingly break up a family? My ds is repulsed,as my own mum is only 4 years older.. I have found it amusing, and just don't understand why he would go for someone so much older is insulting. Glad that I am moving on with my life but its little details like this that makes me question my self worth,confidence and our whole relationship.. I wonder all the more if I really ever knew him, or just the side he chose to show to me.Well rid, well rid... sigh enough,just needed to blog it.. and share it.
i must admit i nearly choked on my wine reading this, why ? who knows, but never question your own self worth, ever. tbh when i saw the new one, in my rear view mirror hanging of his motorbike with a death like grip, reaction ? slame the brakes on, now i can laugh about what a couple of pratts they looked like, you will aswell, when your ready xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
thanks fellow wiki 's..yes it is the eternal question 'why?'I think you all hit it on the head with the wanting to feel needed,and I did do most of the organizing,running things ,and i knew he wouldn't be very supportive. I wanted someone on my own wavelength as a equal partner,sharing same goals and outlooks, obviously he jut showed me what i wanted to see.No however it has left me with trust issues, and i also question my own judgement.mad thing is am now no longer confident with my decisions and appearance.Makes you doubt many things and very insecure..best to look forward I think rather than back, but its little things like finding this out which brings it all back to you and the hurt of it all.
Nicwin I think you hit the nail on the head with feeling needed by an OW being very appealing. I imagine mine sees himself as a knight in shining armour rescuing the helpless princess and her sweet little children. Those rescuer - victim dynamics will probably become pathological after an initial flurry of romantic excitement.
The "other women" in my case would have been way out of his league looks wise, with perfect figures and much much younger. I could never compare to them as I am a real, sometimes grumpy middle aged woman with plenty of faults. He was paying for a fantasy. I think it can mess with your head whatever the situation.
Wow, 74! That is weird. I found it easier in my break up to know the other woman was older, fatter, uglier and way more stupid than me but of course you then question why? We had a good sex life too so wasn't that. One of the things mine said to me when he was leaving was 'she needs me' and I think that says it all. Over the years I had done more and more for him as he couldn't cope and wouldn't do things. Finance, holiday bookings, problems with kids, looking after the house, running the business all fell on my shoulders, so when this pathetic creature gave him attention and leaned on him when going through bad times it made him feel strong and manly, as vaster a said they revert to their primitive mode. I knew from the start he wouldn't be able to cope with being the supportive one, he just isn't that sort of person and I was right as he came crawling back to me when he realised what he had done. Too late
This is one strange pairing, it sounds very oedipal, and a disturbing way to deal with his grief. I am sure it won't last, and reflects the extent of his troubled mind rather than being an insult to you.
The OW my ex left me for is younger but often wears crazy mismatched clothes and heavy makeup, in addition to being very scatterbrained and dependent. He used to tell me how much he preferred more natural looking, intelligent and independent women. I ponder the same question - was he lying, or did he change what he wanted or liked according to who was pleasing him most at the time? Lots of unanswerable questions. But one thing they all seem to have in common is an inability to even recognise what is troubling them or share it with someone who might be able to help them. They go into primitive mode and seek a sexual solution for their unhappiness.