I know its been said a million times on here "the is light at the end of the tunnel"... well I think I may finally have made it! Something changed this week. Things fell into place a bit. Worries lifted following a simple letter "all clear" from the hospital. I will need on going monitoring but out the other side. The very next day I received signed resignation forms from my ex father in law in relation to him being a Trustee on our family trust. A HUGE relief as this was affecting my relationship with the rest of my family and causing my mother too much stress and worry. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted. I am rid of them all now! Now he has signed I don't have to be nice worrying he will cause more hassle for us. I can tell them all what I think should I see fit now... I probably wont though tbh. Past all that now!! My daughter has been in touch regularly which is great. Loving her Uni course, a great group of friends at uni and growing from a girl to a woman I an truly proud of. My GF has continued to be a rock and we continue to grow in our relationship. We are good together... a team.. a couple and best of all we make each other happy just by being there. I have learnt a lot through the divorce. I believe I am a better person as a result. One thing I now do have a lot more of is patience and understanding. I can think before opening mouth now lol. I found myself singing along with the radio on the way into work this morning thinking I must be happy.... its been a while coming! Next steps... Well now the above is all resolved I do feel it may be easier to at least acknowledge I need to communicate with my ex with regard to our daughter. Get past the bitterness! We are all at a friends wedding this weekend. I think I will see how it goes! last weekend I bumped into an old friend who also got divorced a couple of years back after his wife found smiles with someone else. He now has a new partner and his ex is alone after new man moved on. He has lost everything but was very happy... his ex was also in the same bar! His advice smiling and waving at her was... stick it to them how happy you are now. Smile, laugh be happy... they hate it! Funny but I have been doing the opposite... He could well be right ;o) So "I think" I am about to leave the long tunnel... time to try to make sense of this new light. Its a bit scary!
I think you have been very, very brave. Take it from someone who hasn't seen their ex in over 3 years or spoken to him in over 2. Seeing them at a wedding would not be my idea of fun and you did well with it all.
I am glad you have closure on the financial stuff. Must be a load off your mind.
As far as still loving your ex... you are the only one who knows how you feel. I don't love ex... but I think my heart at times plays with my head and I find myself remembering a man who I thought I knew, not who he grew into or became. Do I miss being part of an 'extended' family? Yes! Do I miss the family get togethers, the holidays with mutual friends who are not longer there? Yes! Everything is different. Could I have done anymore to try and keep my family together.... NO. I wanted it.. he didn't and the rest is history.
I don't know if he's happy or thriving and truly I don't want to know either. I just try and take my slice of happiness wherever I can get it these days. I don't plan too far into the future as life can change in the blink of an eye. These days I try and enjoy the moment and the present.
I am glad you have met someone who values you and sees 'you'. We don't have long in life. It's only human to sometimes remember what was.. the key is to feel those emotions, recognise them in that moment and like you say not to dwell and find a way to move on.
We can't help but be a little 'crazy' after all we've been through but... 'crazy' is the new normal isn't it? :-)
Can always rely on wise words from you two...
nice to not feel bad for still caring / loving who she was. The truth is that all those family times would not be the same now anyway as my daughter has moved away to uni. So deluding myself really.
My wingwoman is indeed a great strength and we keep working at the relationship. Communication is key... we lapse now n then but one of us says something and we work it out.
Looking forward is obviously the way to go... stopping looking back and not dwelling on the regrets is not as easy as it sounds.
This has been a very long and arduous journey for you Esox - but you've reached the finishing line! You describe the resignation of father-in-law's position of power over family assets, which caused great distress to your mother and your family, as a HUGE relief and it is to all who have supported you. It's crucial to you being able to settle things once and for all. It's over now. That has gone away and any remaining anxieties will dissipate in time.
It's been a very long road for you, but things are really falling into place now. I'm pleased you have someone new in your life who is making you happy. Do we ever truly get over losing that other love? I think there will always be residual feelings. Memories do drift in and out but I can now dismiss them. I compare those fleeting thoughts to clouds passing across the moon. One minute casting dark shadows, but gone the next. The memories hurt less and less as time goes by.
Don't allow your life to be determined by what used to be. Grasp happiness with both hands. We're all mixed up wikis, it goes with the territory, or we wouldn't be here and we wouldn't have made great wiki friends who helped us through. As Afon says, just do it. xx
Sorry Esox that you struggled,but you survived it. :)
Yes,your right your lovely lady did look beautiful and a gorgeous smile,and thankfully she has a kind heart to match.
Please don't knock yourself,I think we are always going to miss those family do's,just as we miss aspects of our childhood.These are the things that have help make us who we are,those Sunday dinners you said,for me it's Barbie's I miss the most,every week for us rain or shine,now not so often.Okay someone reading this may think that's pathetic,so what,it's our story.
As for someone saying about loving her?
Maybe you do....
I can admit I still love Twonk,not who he has become,but who he was.
Maybe I am wrong,and I have not quite got it,but I don't know how after spending30 odd years with someone,going through the joy of children,that I could stop loving him.Yes I remain to feel hurt by his actions but I honestly know that I will always love him,and he does not deserve that though....
But that is an indication of exactly the people we are inside.
Esox,the wedding may have been hard,and believe me it would have been hard for her also,no matter what you think,but don't allow one setback and a few doubts spoil your future.You have have got your wingman now,and she will be there for you to open up to,so do it....
How wiki has changed....
the forum and blogs used to be the hub??
well i struggled at the wedding. My ex... she looked great. my gf looked better which was great!
However the table arrangenemnts meant my family... "my family" here with my old friends... our old friends! My GF and I where exiled fom the inner circle but there where breaches as individuals came to say hello etc.
My GF was by far the most beautiful and loveliest person there.... so why was i looking at my ex and my family group so often?
We left early without saying goodbye to many... i really struggled with it. My GF being the wonderful person she is was open to talk about it but i had no answers....
someone today said you must still love her.... which caused a serious jolt to the system.
I think i love / loved my family.. family life. That rotating sunday lunch from mum n dad to us to brother sister in law etc.... you knoe what i mean. i hate her on one hand but will always love her on the other!
It must be a huge relief to have good news on the health front and to be freed from your ex father-in-law's control over the trust. Those moments when you finally laugh or are singing along to the radio and realise you aren't so low anymore are wonderful.
Good luck with the wedding. Although I said I can chat with my ex, it's still at a very fragile state and very rehearsed and forced from my side. When I stick to my guns (e.g. insisting we stick to our established agreement with drop-off times when he "informs" me that I am to pick them up hours early), I get an abusive text and no contact for weeks. So I have no idea how I could cope with being at a wedding or your daughter's 21st. Would it help to email her about the 21st to discuss how you could pull this off for your daughter's sake? I'm sure other wikis who have been though this will have some pointers.