I haven't blogged for over a year.....I chill, I get used to my own comapay - I socialise with other 'crones' - a term of affection - really - and I tend to think I am ok - but an 'plus one' invitation to a party has thrown me - hey ho
LOL perfect timing with that comment Igster, as a small group of us (a game of crones perhaps)? were at the Wikimeet in Liverpool yesterday.
We had a fabulous time and only one of us needed an ambulance at the end of the evening....
How lovely to see you here - and Mitch and Polar, two other old timers. I'm not on here much myself lately, but was at a bit of a loose end this evening and thought I would check in.
I know what you mean about the Plus One. Even though, as you say, one has joined the merry band of people who have reached the place of realising that they are better off without the ex (no matter how unlikely it seemed we would ever get there) sometimes a mere snatch of song, or an expression on a child's face or even an ad on TV can cause a sudden jolt. One can make peace with it (this is in fact the title of the book I have just written about divorce) without feeling at peace with it every minute of every day. I think that especially if there are children involved, there will probably be little jolts from time to time.
I'm glad you accepted the invitation, and that you are relishing the joy and interest to be had from 'not being in Kansas anymore' as you put it! I know I am!
Thank you for your lovely thoughtful replies - and really - I think I was more shocked that it had hit a nerve than actually the thought of going to a party on my own - I also say the same thing to myself Polar and often laugh at myself at the places or people I am with.....I often feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz going 'I don't think I am in Kansas anymore'....more often that not in a good way.....so I got myself back of balance - decided it was lovely to be invited and sent a 'quippy' yes please reply.
For those at the beginning of this - a friend and I recently were discussing another ex 'owner' (I don't want to use the word victim) of a runaway husband. We agreed that we would never have believed it but in many ways we are better off now. I used to get upset by such messages - and think 'they don't understand'. All I can say is that you don't have to believe my but maybe find hope in the fact that people who have been through it can say it doesn't always feel so bad - and sometimes it can feel like a relief.
Finally I just wanted to add that I really enjoyed a film (I found it on Netflix) called the Souls of the Night with Robert Redford....it is a gentle story looking backward and forward.
I felt guitly about sharing such a trivial thing when so many and having to deal with custody battles etc. I understand that. As I say I think I was just shocked to hit 'turbulance' at this stage ( 7 and half years) and it helped to say ow!
Thank you - and good luck and strenth and courage to those not yet at 'almost peace' with this -
I was completely out of my depth in situations where I had had no experience for 25 years or so. I mean what the hell was I doing out in places at 2 o'clock in the morning or even on one occasion 7am when someone asked me how could I keep going so long without having to take narcotics !! (no I didn't use them!!)
Exactly what was I doing in some of these weird situations ?
Several reasons. Firstly I had put myself there. Put my toe into the water to try something me.
Secondly I had tagged along with the group who had basically suggested changing venues.
The third one is the most important. You are there because someone invited you.
This a time when confidence is low and you doubt yourself coupled with being thrown into situations often beyond your control or knowledge. SOMEONE , often the person you least expect , thinks enough of you to offer a hand and drags you out.
I developed a saying which can apply to every situation and I used to use it when the occasion was great or one that I wanted to run away from.
''WHAT AM I DOING HERE. I AM HERE NOW BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE I AM MEANT TO BE AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE''
Funnily enough this has given me the confidence to rebuild even when in extreme situations where I was arrested for allegedly breaking into my x's house. (no I didn't and they charged someone else for it).
I have also turned up at my regular haunts only to find nobody I knew. Rather than just fleeing I have sat it out for an hour or so and funnily enough people did turn up and it ended as a good night. Think what it would have been like if I had bottled it to return to an empty house with 500 useless tv programmes.
And in life the effort you put in is often rewarded and in unexpected ways. You never know where things will lead or what is around the next corner.
Speaking as a 'crone' I can remember when we used to advise each other, 'Don't turn down any invitation'. But that was in the early days of trauma and I found myself at functions way outside my comfort zone, wondering what on earth I was doing there. I cried through a few and left after an hour or so.
When we settle down into single life we become better at selecting what we will be comfortable with. However, 'plus one' is not an order and you don't have to take someone else. It doesn't necessarily mean a man either. You could ask a female friend to go with you so you aren't walking in alone.
A lot depends on the type of invitation. If it's a wedding reception, don't just pick someone as company if there is no particular someone you wish to spend time with.
Take courage in both hands but if you can't, send a very nicely worded reply and treat yourself to a night at home. But I say put your glad rags on, go to the party alone and mix. Leave when you've had enough.