A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

is this normal

SV Updated
Heart ripped out and still crying. my husband kicked me out of family home day after boxing day after attacking my son whilst he was drunk. Had to go to court to get occupation order although I have agreed to leave the property in 6 weeks time. (I was so emotional I would have agreed to anything) im the only person who worked during the 6 years of our marriage including paying the mortgage. My husband chose to drink. Now I find myself nowhere to go no savings and my husband having the family home. 2 weeks ago i discovered he was having an affair, I howled like a wounded animal as reality set in that he had done all this to me because of another women. He has contested everything including in court where i won the occupation order but had to listen to him tell the courts that i was abusive and he was scared of me. Funny the courts gave me the molestation order because of all my evidence. All he had was the lies coming out of his mouth and a solicitor which I did not as i couldnt afford one but I still got what I wanted at the time. Sitting writing this blog I feel raped by my husband in the mental sense if you know what I mean. I always thought even through all our problems that he did love me.I never in my widest dreams thought he would do this to me. I loved that man more than everything in the entire world (apart from my children of course) and feel like my life has been destroyed. Some mornings I just want to curl up and die. I ask myself every day why is this happenening. How could a husband do such things to his wife. Please anyone will the way I feel gett any better in time. Its been 4 months since my life was turned upside down and not one night have I gone to bed and not sobbed myself to sleep. Are these natural feelings or am I slowly losing the plot. {jomcomment}

User comments

7 comments
Already have an account?
Comments
Comment
Sarah-i do feel for you, it is very hard but a few years on, you're be so glad to be an independent woman -I wouldn't take my ex back under any circumstances and love the peace of living alone
J
Comment
It's good to hear you've got some help... add in counselling if you can too. The parading around of the new OW or OM is very painful to endure. They can be so insensitive to your hurt as well as to what others think of them.
V
Comment
thankyou for your comments it has reassured me that im not going mad. Have been to the doctors as now husband is parading ow around and it gor to much to cope with. he has prescribed me anti deppressants so maybe that will help with the way i feel.
SV
Comment
Vastra Eliza
Hi Sarah, when I read your post I cried too for you and myself. I am three months in.
Since I have joined this site it's just incredible how every ones experience is both different but also the same!
It seems to me that the men/ women we adored and felt safe and comfortable with despite any , problems WE felt were not major problems. They turn into asasination and assailant people. They become hostile, angry
People. They seem to us to get pleasure in hurting us. I know and others on here know how it feels to have the person you love/loved turn on you for another. You really don't know what's hit you.
Eliza and Vastra have been through these terrible feelings and have good advise and support to give.
I have had much support from them answering my posts of disparation,and from Mitchum.
I have had a bad week this week but I'm going to do my utmost today although not well to just get out for a little walk. Keep posting on here even if it's three times a day or whatever you need.
I keep thinking I will I feel better and wikies on here keep assuring me yes, and I believe them, it's a process
We all have to go through. Please keep in touch I'm thinking of you
By the way if you haven't see your doctor then go as soon as possible mine has been brilliant she pursuaded me to try counselling and anti depressants and it has helped although I'm waiting now for a course of counselling. Sending a warm hug for you and your children
A
Comment
Yes it does get better, you will not feel like your heart has been ripped out forever. I still shudder when I remember the anguish of those early months - mind racing, exhausted but unable to sleep, heart literally aching and throbbing like I'd been stabbed with a knife, crying in the bathroom at work.
That will slowly ease, though there will be good and bad days along the way. And like Eliza, you will probably come to realise that you deserved a lot better, and maybe even feel that despite all the pain, you are better off alone than with someone who could betray you and turn against you like that. 3 years on I can say that despite the pain I am glad it happened, and feel much luckier than my ex, whose personal reputation and relationships with his kids have been badly damaged by his behaviour.
Many of us have found counselling very helpful - think about this if it's an option for you.
V
Comment
Yes, all perfectly normal, sadly.

You'll soon see that many wikis have come through it but that it tends to take a long time. Of course it does: you've had the carpet pulled out from under you and everything you thought you knew and could rely on has turned out to be rubbish. You used to be in a partnership and the very person who should have been on your side is treating you as the enemy and you can't quite get used to the idea.

I am over three years down the line and still not sleeping, and still crying a lot. The difference though (and it is a big one and a long time coming) is that I thank my lucky stars that I am not still with that useless piece of ****. And that from someone who would have done anything to have him back even after all the trauma and abuse. One day you too will be glad this happened when it did and not later, but until then expect a lot of tears, frustration and injustice. It may not be much of a comfort now, but it will all make you stronger in the end.

Take care.
E
Comment
Hi

Yes they are as you are going through a time of loss and grief and your situation has changed dramatically. At least you are sleeping. I think it took me nearly two years to stop crying but I had other things going on as well. Lots of other people will help you on here but focus on looking after yourself lots and working out the basics such as your accommodation and money and children and get help and support from this where you can.

Hope that is a little helpful. Keep posting.
N