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Last year

J Updated
Last year was pretty tough for me. We originally separated in May 2014. At the time my STBX was working on a residential contract in Africa He was being paid tax free and accommodation was being provided. I was (and still am) living in the FMH with the youngest kids, the eldest being at university. His idea of separation was that I would look after the kids, spend my (much lower income) taking care of the kids, and I would request money for anything required, submitting quotes and invoices for his approval. Needless to say I declined this solution. He also wanted me to carry on looking after the company books for a company in which I would have no interest. I declined that offer also. We managed to agree on an amount that he would pay me - less than I wanted, more than he wanted to give, but an amount the kids and I could live on. This uneasy truce lasted until his contract finished. When it finished I received a phone call advising me I would have to learn to live on no money. My STBX then took OW and her daughter on what must have been a very extravagant tour around Europe. In the process he maxed an overdraft on a joint account and neglected to pay the mortgage, let alone anything towards the kids upkeep. At this point we did not have a financial split (we still do not). The car my STBX drove had been sitting in the driveway for a year without moving so I sold it. My STBX then reported me to the police for fraudulently selling the car - but the fact is the car was a joint asset. The police questioned me under caution - not a very nice thing to experience. He has now returned to the UK and is staying with his brother and apparently working for him. Apparently all the money he earned is gone. How he has managed to spend so much I do not know. The industry he works in is currently in a slump, and he is unlikely to earn such a high salary again. Once I found out he was back in the UK and I realised he was not intending to help pay for the kids, I submitted a CMS claim. this has been processed and I have been awarded an amount, but he has not paid. He is disputing my claim, saying he has transferred a "lump sum" to me. The lump sum is of course the car, and to my mind that will be apportioned when we finally get a financial split. My fear is that my STBX will drag out the negotiations for so long that the money will be gone - the house is much to big for me to run, the bills and council tax are unaffordable, let alone the mortgage. I am not sure what the CMS will decide, but I do know they are being pretty slow about it.

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Hi Jedzy,

You have to dig deep and find that inner strength you never knew you possessed, you really do. If you have a good Family Law Specialist and they have done their homework, then all assets will be taken into account from your date of marriage to the date of your official separation. The children's needs, for all under 16's, will be priority. Never lose sight of what you are fighting for, for your own sanity and for your long term family security.

In the Scottish Courts, Sherriffs do not look favourably at parents who shirk their responsibilities, but you need to have your ducks in a row with his LTD Company. Make sure you have copies of all assets tied to it and the amount of dividends etc he may have been accruing/ paying to himself. The BETA service in Companies House is a good place to start if he has a registered UK Ltd Company. You can find details of year end accounts etc.

I know the industry your STBX is tied to, we are feeling the pain of what is happening globally. The downturn could last well into next year and beyond, but there is still work out there depending on his discipline. Keep abreast of the news, the U.K. market may never recover to the buoyancy of the last few years, but internationally in time, it will pick up. His day rate may never be what it was, but it could still be good when the tide eventually turns.

If you live in the same area of bonnie Scotland as I do, I totally get your reference to the housing costs and the sad thing is that due to the industry slump in liquid gold, properties are not selling as they once did, it is having a ripple effect.

Stand your ground Jedzy, let the Courts collate all the evidence and hang on in there. It is a challenging, stressful and difficult time, but you will get through this and you will come out much stronger, I can assure you.

Take care for now FoS X
F
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Thank you rocky - I am in Scotland - the law is slightly different. My STBX is literally not engaging at all - we are at the point of going to court and claiming the costs of doing so from his portion because of his refusal to engage

I have come to terms with selling the house - while he could afford to pay for it staying here was best for the kids, but now it is time to move. I will be housing the children ( he has made no effort to have them at all - I have asked him on numerous occasions to let me know when he will be having them but so far there has been no response)

Because I will be housing the kids I need a greater portion of the split than 50% - housing is not cheap here.

J
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Hello, deep sympathies. The financial split can be just as painful as the emotional split etc. I was luck in that the process was mine and once the forms were done as I recall the legal term was a "clean break" however it all took at least 6 - 8 months to finalise and a year to get to decree what sit. Its very unfortunate that one party or other ALWAYS seems to raid the finances while its all going down. My ex began cashing in a few investments that were in her name etc. I had to go chasing them! Its important to get the forms done and if possible have a solicitor help out but not take it all to court. If your ex has played away / committed adultery then there is your ground and ALL assets and liabilities are split 50:50 period. If the home cannot be maintained as painful as it is, it need to go so that you can start again. This is extremely hard and again I was lucky because I had some building blocks to play with. The forms and legal process means that all income and savings & liabilities or loans need to be declared. If a person is not truthful at this point or with the info they can find themselves in some deep doodoo. Stay strong and good luck. Rock
R