I wonder how many people on this site are also on Facebook. I am, partly because I admit I'm nosey, partly because I read a lot of interesting articles and partly because I like to keep in touch and look at photos of my family that are living a long way from me. However it also can be very hurtful and deceiving.. Summer holidays are upon us and my Facebook is full of photos of happy families. People having a lovely time with their loved ones, smiling faces, smiling teenagers out with there happily married parents. Please don't think I'm wishing bad things on people, I'm really not. But when you are bombarded with these images and your family has been ripped apart it starts to get you down. I know that looks can be deceiving and of course no one puts photos of their families stressful days or their grumpy teenagers but am I being over sensitive to all these 'happy' photos. my daughter has just returned from a weekend with her dad, ow, and his extended family. And fB is full of photos and comments from some of the other family member s that were there about what a great weekend they had and what a wonderful family,they are part of. The family that I loved and was apart of for 17 years only to be thrown away. No phone calls from them asking how I am, no support or offers of help when I had to sell the family home and no visits to our new home. I'm glad she had a nice time, I wouldn't have wanted otherwise but all these happy family photos with the man that has done everything to destroy us along with the ow, is just too much to stomach.........am I being bitter or is it time for a Facebook cull??
I know how you feel as I encourage my children to talk about their dad even though it hurts terribly. The dad that has left them and moved to the other side of the world and now with the proceeds from our home is living a life of holidays and fun with his gf. Who pays no child support because he has no actual income, just a large pot of money in the bank!
I have no family with my parents being gone, I'm lucky because half of his family have taken us under their wing and we are still all a part of the family. The other half never call or see how we are coping.
It's been two years now and we have come so far but I struggle with the fact that we struggle financially whereas he lives this fun, free lifestyle. Suppose in some ways I crave a bit of freedom but then I look at my amazing children and realise I may be on my own but I have the two best gifts in the world.
Ouch, those photos must have hurt. Those aren't just any old holiday snaps, that's really rubbing salt in the wound. What you can do if you don't want to see particular people's posts, without unfriending them, is click on their profile. Underneath you should see an option "unfollow". I use that a lot when people start oversharing about their daily mood swings and relationship problems, boasting about their busy social lives (especially posting photos of parties where others were not invited) or kids' achievements or good looks. Oh dear I sound like such an miserable old grump! I don't mind vicarious holiday snaps and love the fluffy animal videos as an antidote to the sadness and misery in the news. However I would be gutted if my sister-in-law posted photos of their extended family catch-ups with my boys, ex and OW, as much as I feel I have progressed and would rather amputate a limb than reunite with him. Fortunately my in-laws are thoughtful enough not to do that and ex has never been on FB.
Sungirl there is a way. My default for all my posts now ensures that the two friends who are in touch with my X don't see my posts. Go to 'custom' rather than sharing the post with all your friends, and list those people you want to exclude. The next post, it will still be set to 'custom' you won't have to exclude them by hand each time. I still see when they post stuff (or what they don't exclude me from) but we are still listed as friends because I don't want to give them the satisfaction of un friending them or acknowledging them in any way!
Thanks everyone my ex isnt on Facebook and I blocked the ow a little while ago, one of the best things I ever did! Shoegirl on this site called it pain shopping which sums it up really well. I'm no longer interested in their lives, too busy with my own, it does hurt to see how quickly I was replaced, I never would have done that to them, but then I don't think you realise how much it hurts and devastates your life unless you have gone through it. Eliza I too feel much more empathy with people going through tough times, it can happen to us all. I'm sure there used to be a button on Facebook where you could hide posts from a person but not unfriend them, but it seems to have changed to a 'I don't want to see this button'
Ah yes, the evils of FB / Social Media. I have on occasion put my FB account into "deactivate" mode and to give myself a break. I would advise anyone in your situation to do the same. Thank fully my ex is not on FB as she took herself off the face of the planet so to speak a while ago. She cut ties with family friends and even our daughter for a while. Other people / families having a "lovely time" will always jolt .. at least for a while. Its useful to remember that life is never a bed of roses for everyone ESPECIALLY the ex. Stand tap, be strong & dignified and by doing so we can help ourselves to heal and show the world we are able.As for the former "mutual" friendships when married / together .. well now you can choose which friendships you continue forward with and which you won't. Enjoy the sunshine. Its a beautiful day.
Even though you know that nobody posts the gnarly underside, it can seem as though everyone else is happily married and travelling to exotic locations with money no object. I spend far too much time on FB as well and I admit I get a lot out of it. Support from friends and various groups I am in, and loads of things that make me think and make me laugh.
This experience has made me more considerate in many ways. I was never one for Valentines Day, but I remember the first one after he left, and how the shops all seemed to be pink and red and selling supposed proof of love, and I thought of all the years I had been oblivious of all that, and not thought about people who were heartbroken or lonely. Same with xmas, father's day, holidays etc. For me now it's graduations: proud mums and dads standing with kids in gowns. But now I notice, too, how many of my friends are standing, like me, alone with their kids, and are OK with it.
If I come across a picture of my x, with comments from former friends and family, it still stings, but now more of a mosquito bite than a mortal blow.