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Lying about where children are.

S Updated
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Having finalised our divorce in April (adultery) our 2 children live with me. Their dad, who they see everyday, lives with his partner & her 3 children.

We agreed on a memoradum of Understanding via mediation which was then drawn up legally - including our going for a short court hearing. Their dad (Teacher so has 6 weeks off in Summer) looks after our twins on days I work (part time) during hols. The agreement is  that he can take them to their Grandmas caravan (his mum) or for overnight stays at his mums house. This will be arranged by negotiation between the two of us.

On tues he said he was taking the children on hol for 2 nights. He knows that I don't want the kids to have any overnight stays with his partner. Plus I think its reasonable to be told where they are going & who with. Despite many texts (I tried to phone but he didn't answer) he wouldn't say where he was taking them & who with. In the end he said they were staying 2 nights at a Travel Lodge in Chester - just him & kids .

Hes bought them back tonight having spent two nights with his partner/her family at her family home in Anglesey. He deliberately lied to me about their whereabouts & who they were with until they came back.

In the past (when they had affair) she (his now partner) had someone phone up our home & threatened to kill my now ex. At the time I felt very scared having my family in the house & at that time left the house for the weekend - it was these actions that ultimatately prompted me to file for divorce.Her other actions led me to suffer panic attacks etc.

I've never stopped the kids seeing their dad (they are 6 years old) everyday & have allowed them to visit his new home (bought house together April) but I do not want them to sleep overnight at his home.

I feel he has abused my trust asfar as the children are concerned & gone against our agreement but I'm not sure what to do next. Do I leave it & just let him take them wherever & with whoever or can I insist that we stick to the agreement. I'm prepared (despite cost) to go back to Mediation service & do a new agreement but is it worth doing.? Hes says I'm just bitter & jealous - Which I can possibly agree with at times & I fully admit that I do still feel hurt and angry by all thats happened.

Any advice/experience greatly appreciated. Thanks. 

 

 

 

 

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3 comments
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HI, I must say I would be agrieved about no overnights? how long do you think that will continue., I dont know your story fully, and obvioulsy he was adulterous, thats not good.
But I have to say it must be bad for him not having overnights, for me, thats what being a parent is all about.
I would say he will continue these ways and try and feck you up until he has more of an active role with the kids, they are afterall his kids too and whatever he has done he should not lose that right. For longer that you keep up the no overnights, when it does finally happen, and it will, you will feel much worse as you have hung on to it for so long.
So what if his partner is there? If the kids are happy and ok surely is that not the most important, the only thing you are doing is satisfying yourself, think about.
Dont mean to offend you in any way, but after reading your blog that is what came to my mind........
B
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Hi, Thanks for taking the trouble to reply - your advice is good about not raising to his bait & I'm going to try keep my distance and not let my ex upset me too much. I'm looking at going back to mediation to re draw up contact details plus i'm trying to find out how I go about getting a Residence Order?? (anyone have any experience?). So sorry to hear about your oh insensitive actions.

Thanks again. x
S
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Hi i dont know what to advice but this is not on. he is doing what he wants wether you like it or not. he is using the children to his advantage as he knew that you would be upset by his actions so chose not to tell you till after the event. my oh does this with my son although my son is now an adult. i try not to rise to the bait ,my oh has moved on and i really believe he sees nothing wrong with some of the tactless things he does. For example today was my sons 19th birthday, he landed at my house with a card tonight at 9pm with the girlfriend driving our car. Just made me feel sick. Hang on in there, he is missing out on his childen because of his adultery and will regret it one day.
R
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