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Motivation needed

Maggiemay123
Updated
So it appears my dressing gown is the only item of clothing I have laundered in two weeks... leggings are my go to and if STBX and OW saw me I would surely shrivel up and die.. 
 
I have yet to feel the motivation to tidy myself up, confidence and self esteem is rock bottom. I thought the news would bring about the desire to join the gym, start yoga or at the very least put get dressed. The divorce diet is believed to be holy grail ... or did I just read this somewhere... 
 
So here I am an absolute wreck ... midway through the divorce process. Managed to get this far because of the blogs I have read. 
 
Life just feels so unbearable ... I yearn to have this burst of energy and need to take care of me ... if only to strut myself. Once a fairly attractive woman ... now frazzaled, a few extra pounds and no real desire to change. Why? Why can’t I get out of this horrible black hole ... it’s achievable but I can’t grasp why I can’t just do it... 
 
If I ever knew the sheer destruction this would have caused I would have stayed married. He was an awful awful man but familiar ... I see this now! 
 
Scared that this is now my life ...

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