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Moved On

D Updated

Been a while since I was last on here.
Suffice to say that since the split over 4 year ago my life has changed dramatically .
The final piece in the journey through the pain and heartache of divorce finally ended last Friday at 2pm. I took possession of my own home. Marital home sold and EX now well and truly paid off in full. Divorce all done and dusted. 

My home has the best views around here my bedroom and lounge both have an uniterrupted view of the hills of Saddleworth . Absolutely fabulous. 
My circle of friends has greatly increased as I keep pushing boudries.
My music is taking off. And more importantly i have a great family and good group of friends.

Ok so some say whats it lke living alone. Whats it like ? Darn well good i say . Ok there are moments however I believe that part of my healing was down to alone time reflecting on my mistakes made . I say reflect and not dwell, only pain there. Yes, i was amazed at all the lies i told myself and believed. I cant do this i cant do that i cant cope without a woman by my side. All rubbish of course. I learned that by changing all my negative talk to positive talk things started to happen . I no longer went around wearing a negative T Shirt that said oh woe is me , why me .Instead I placed it with a mental T Shirt that said I am worthy . Simple, but effective . My mindset began to change as i realised all my pain and hurt and anger came from Fear . Thoughts we tell ourselves . 

The lies we tell ourselves which causes suffering . Yes we grieve our losses and feel the pain . However, suffering is optional . I felt my pain accepted it . But . suffer ....no not for me . i do not want it , I will not be defined by it and it is not me. No, i choose to live . Life is good and precious and far too short to waste time on anger and hurt and pain and bad thoughts about my Ex. In fact I tend to refer to my Ex as the childrens mother. 

All we have is the here and now , past has gone ;future well it has not happened yet. No point in worrying about it . I cannot tell you what will happen in the next ten minutes.Oh I have an idea , that is it is an idea . However, life does not always work out has planned . No point in worrying about what might happen or what did happen , it is not even real . its imaginerey. If it was all real then right at this moment we would have the now the past and future rolled into one. No, enjoy the now I say . 

Yes , I can honestly say that since questioning my thoughts and realising the lies i believed life is a lot clearer and better somewhat calmer. Rumination over. Suffering gone; neediness gone. Stress gone.

All replaced by being able to live in peace and happiness. Life is good . I sincerly hope that peace and happiness finds its way into all the hearts and souls of those that are suffering . I understand where you are if indeed that is the case. Trust me and believe you will survive the nighmare of divorce and all its pain and become the person that you are meant to be. Just be kind to yourselves . You are stronger and more resilent than you think 

Stay well and Warm Thoughts all 

Declan


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Thank you Kindly Vastra.
It sure is a journey isn't it. And you know what . The lessons and pain I endured ... I needed them to become the person that I am now . Painful lessons , and until I faced those lessons and learnt I was stuck . Until I examined my behaviour I was stuck , until I stopped blaming all and sundry I was stuck . Until I took responsibility for my happiness I was stuck . Yes, I had to take responsibility for my life , my actions , my behaviour ... My happiness.
Letting go of the past was not easy . I realised I had to to take control .

So Vastra , yes it is a relief from the pain and suffering to have the divorce all done and settled in my new home and life . I hope that you too Vastra are well into the new wonderful Vastra that you are . We are all wonderful loving kind people deep down , I think we just get lost now and again and maybe depend on others to give us what we need rather than giving it to ourselves .
I am one happy boy now . Internal happiness engine always purring away .

You go be very kind and gentle with yourself Vastra

Until next time

Declan
D
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Great blog Declan, what a relief to be all done with the divorce and settled in your place!
V
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Hi Sherara
Thank you for your kind words
Lost at footie , however still enjoyed myself .
Re London wiki meet . I live up North so it's a trek and I have my new home to sort out .
Maybe I will go to one one day . Never say never I guess .
Declan
D
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Hi Declan, congratulations on leading yourself and reaching a safe place. You are a true inspiration with every word you speak. You have helped so many of us your wiki friends with all your contributions throughout the years. I sincerely wish you all the happiness and good health you deserve and a life full of excitement and fulfilment. Hope you won at footie yesterday! Are you joining us at London wikimeet Saturday? Big hugs to you.
Sherara
S
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Hi
Thank you for your comments .
It's Sunday morning , I am sat up in bed looking at the hills of Saddleworth and counting my blessings .

For those that are in pain , I promise you this .
You will enjoy life again , the sun will shine for you. You will feel at peaceful and happy . You will realise that there is nothing that lives outside of you that you need to feel whole and complete. The sadness will ebb away . I remember tsunami of sadness hitting me . Now the waters are calmer . Dismantling old life over . Rebuilding a new and better life .
I promise you life will become better for all and the pain will go away .
Oh , people say time is a healer , yes I agree however , I also helped myself to what the world has to offer . For me I dived head first into live music both going and listening to and playing guitar .
I kinda found Declan again . And I like him .
You to will find yourselves again . That little boy or girl inside you is crying out to be loved and cared for . And when we do that wow. How life changes .
I will go now I have a football match to go play .
Take care all . Look after that little girl or boy . Be grateful, feel your pain accept it . Do not push it away by indulging in anything that harms you to distract yourself . This is your hurt , we have to go through it . And you will survive it .
A great life awaits you all .
I promise you .

Warm thoughts to all
Declan
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fantastic words as always.so pleased for you that you have managed to move on. Your words give me hope that one day I will be where you are. Seems such a long tome coming but maybe one day.
M3
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Wonderful, positive blog Declan...so happy for you. I'm not where you are yet but i'm beginning to see large chinks of light. Be lucky my friend...X
M
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Hi Declan

Great blog.

Similar feelings for me too. Almost 3 and a half years after tsunami -moved into new place 2 weeks ago and doing final clear out of apartment I rented for 17 months this weekend. Lots of lessons learnt for me and my life has changed in many ways. As you should be I am proud of the inner strength I have found.

Wishing you peace and happiness x
A
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Hey FOS yeah took a while however we get there in our way .
And thank you x
D
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Hi Declan,

Closing your own front door is an amazing feeling, congratulations on your move!

Thanks for your blog, it is good to see that it takes many a year, for some of us anyway, to get to this point. I am just passed the 6 year mark and I can say I resonate with your sentiments.

Learning the lessons, moving forward in a positive way is all part of the acceptance. We can not change the past, we do not have crystal balls to see in to the future, but we can be grateful for the here and now!

Good luck Declan in your new home and 'Lang may yer lum reek!'

Take care for now FoS x ;D
F