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News of ex streaming in through social media with daughters

S Updated
We had a fairly good Christmas Day in the end. My daughters and I spent the day with my Mum, brother and sister. It was the first Christmas dinner cooked by another that I had eaten for 21 years and although that felt a bit odd, it was good to do something different. One thing I found deeply stressful though, were my ex"s regular contacts with my daughters. If it wasn't a jokey Facebook message or picture, it would be a text or Skype call. He spent Xmas Day in a Spa, no doubt his girlfriend"s family didn't want to share Xmas Day with him. Although I am pleased that he is in regular contact with the girls, I felt sick of my own responses...I really wanted to know more about him and found myself focusing on any texts that came in, asking the girls constantly what Dad had said. We have zero direct communication which is hellish after 21 years of togetherness...this is such a mad, crazy situation so messages from him are like crumbs from the table now. You will be pleased to know that I eventually tired of this and lost interest in news from the other universe (one that is now closed to me). I didn't actually feel that he wanted to be with us, he was feeling lonely as couldn't be with the girlfriend so streamed himself in. It is hard to move on though when you share children even young adults. Sometimes I feel that I need to get away from everyone for a month so I can truly begin to recover. It would be better for me not to know what he is doing and to focus on re-building my own life. I feel stuck in a form of no-man's land at the moment, I can't go back now...too much water under the bridge but I don't know how to go forward. I know how to carry on with the life that we had together but know that next year lots of change is on the horizon...maybe this will help. Hope my fellow wikis survived their Xmas Day...only one more special day to get through:)

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Thanks everyone for your comments. Much appreciated.
S
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Hi

I know how you feel. You summed it up well when you said "it is hard to move on when you share children".

I am finding it very hard to move on, and my two lads, no longer children at 25 and 28, don't help by talking about my ex and his new woman like I should have accepted it a long time ago.

It is not easy though is it?

Best Wishes

Jules M
J
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i know too well that torn feeling - bittersweet if the kids have contact, and wanting to know and not know what was said. It is very hard to resist asking but one generally regrets it. And putting the children on the spot is horrible too. All the more reason for my wish for him to go painlessly under a bus.

I feel as though if we had no children together (not of course that I wish my children away!) the no contact rule would mean that the would could eventually heal. As it is, the scab keeps being picked off.

Many of us know how you feel xxx
E
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It may be that for your survival you have to ask these young adults to not be in contact with stbx in front of you....and they may be cross about that and think you are being unreasonable....but they don't know what it does to you - we do....do what you need to survive...eventually it may teach your children to be more compassionate and empathetic - a lesson that we be useful in their future whoever they are with.
SF
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I wonder why he was alone? He clearly didn't enjoy it or he wouldn't have been sending those messages. Maybe it's all gone tits up. One can but hope.

In the meantime no man's land is a pretty good description of where you are at. Rest assured the exit will open up . Maybe not soon, but eventually you will see the way forward.
P
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Good to hear it went OK, and it sounds like you were well overdue for a break from cooking Christmas dinner! I also feel ashamed when part of me wants to know the painful details of his new fantasy life. Could you tell your girls that you're glad he's in touch with them, but that it's easier for you not to know what he's up to? Not sure what would be best, as of course you don't want them to feel guilty or torn between the two of you.
V