Admittedly I am not having much fun these days, which is hardly surprising, but I was thinking about my x (I met him yesterday but that is another story). And it occurred to me that we had very little fun with him, (as a family or as a couple) and what we had was never at his instigation. In fact he never instigated very much, come to think of it, other than this huge mess (which is the mother of all messes, so he was obviously hanging on for the big one!). He never said, sod it, let's do x. Maybe I drummed it out of him with my fear of overspending, but I don't think so, because I wasn't always worried about money, and anyway I'm not talking about things that cost anything at all. It's more an attitude of mind - making things into a game, having a laugh. Teasing, or whatever. I noticed of course over the years that he never seemed to lose his cool or raise his voice or swear - I did enough of that for both of us. But it didn't strike me until recently that he was never light hearted either. Just kind of neutral. I liked the calm, thought it a good antidote to my more mercurial nature. But maybe he really is just a boring fart. And I would imagine he is even less of a barrel of laughs now that he is (apparently) penniless - if he's not able to take her to the opera or the carribbean or fancy restaurants any more, he's no oil painting, and he's pretty dull, well, then I imagine that what the OW has for him must be true love! And I like a laugh. He used to laugh at my jokes. He sometimes said things that made me laugh too. But he never ever made anything fun. I wonder why not? Even now with all the trauma and heartache, worry and uncertainty, hormones flying in every direction and no pot to p!ss in, my kids and friends and I still do sometimes enjoy a good laugh. What was I thinking? PS well, what a breath of fresh air not to be ticking all the 'miserable bleeder' tags today!
I'll bet you like a good laugh, I like your earthy humour. All these insights you are having are very helpful for me and I assume others too. Like a recent post you made about standing back and actually looking at your STBX with fresh eyes, and recognising how unattractive they have become (by virtue of their character flaws). I am starting to see mine as severely emotionally retarded, and unlikely to have any genuine respectful relationships or friendships in his life.
Both of them would benefit greatly from the Runaway Partner Re-education Camp. I'm looking at buying a few hectares on a mosquito infested swamp in the tropics to set it up, though North Korea might have some pretty cheap sites too.
Eliza your blog really made me think!!! I am quite mad and always laughing, my children and others have told me since we split, my ex is a boring f**t, It was always me who kept the party going :D, I know opposites attract, but did not realise what others thought, my children and many other have told me he is nothing without me, a very boring man, to tell you I feel shell shocked at this, but then it would properly take a quite man to put up with my personality for 30 yrs ;), goodness this is a real learning curve, but I am glad I am me, and I hope you feel the same, I am not changing for anyone.. xxxx
Very timely blog. I just got off the phone to the kids who are off to the pictures to see Capt America - a film my ex would never have entertained..this is following a Sunday at Brighton and the little one getting a new skateboard..you think they're playing catch up :-)
hi your blog just made mw think, yes I had good times with stbx but always when he felt like it, if he couldn't be bothered well tough he always came first. Glad you've realised the benefits again and reminding me what hard work he was. Feet get sore after a while when your walking on eggshells waiting to see what the mood would be that day. you sound cheerier than you've been ;D. keep it up. Sometimes we spend too long thinking about what is gone with rose coloured spectacles, when actually if we concentrated on the negative things we've lost(in my case a bigoted selfish control freak).xxx
Fact is - I think if I wasn't able to laugh I would be crying all the time (did try that for a month but it didn't get me anywhere) everything is such a mess and the road ahead seems so difficult, but little by little, step by step and trying to find something to laugh about on the way we'll get there. It really is true what they say - laughter is the best medicine (well that and the Pinot!
Eliza, it took me quite a while to work out what you have.
He never got jokes and when the kids and I were messing he just looked at us as though we had gone mad.
How the hell did I not see it before, it's taught me one thing a natural smile is worth it's weight in gold.
My son who was always very quiet has turned out to be very funny and on the same wavelength as me, sadly my daughter is very like him and I want to shake her and say let go , have some fun.
Have to admit I've had a few giggles over some of your posts , so you've still got it!!!
Keep up the laughter and the smiles it makes some this mess not seem so bad.