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not right now

elizadoolittle
Updated
Well it couldn't last obviously. Just been doing battle with HMRC whose 'helpline' has succeeded in making a bad situation much worse, with an inexplicable and unexpected demand for money My house has fallen through. I don't know how I am going to pay my bills, or where I am going to live or what to do about any of it. I am exhausted and resentful. X has been footing the bill for not one but two expensive properties, just not the one his wife and kids face eviction from, has been running up debts and using this address, and is now off on a jolly. It's been a long time, but I found myself thinking of topping myself again. I'm not going to - I have children, and I am hopeful that one day I will be feeling invincible again. But not right now.

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Dear dear Eliza,
It's Abs, sorry to see your troubles are not over. Hang in there, grit your teeth, do what you have to. Under no circumstances, do anything silly, your kids need you! I know how everything can be too overwhelming, all too too much and get on top of you and you can't see the way out. But things will sort themselves out, in the end.

When things were at their worst, I was also tempted to end it all, only the thought of my daughter and what it would do to her stopped me. Now, I'm so glad I didn't, because I am enjoying life and happy and I would have missed all that.

Lean on whatever support you can get. I'm happy for you to pm me. Look after yourself, Abs x
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Just wanted to add that perhaps karma can be found in the better relationships we foster post divorce, with our children (eventually) and the outside world. Eliza, you must be such a role model for your kids...I can't imagine what they make of your Ex but you have always been there for them. You have kept the ship afloat and rediscovered parts of yourself that had been lying dormant.
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Eliza, sending you a virtual hug. I can completely relate Eliza....post divorce life can feel like walking through treacle whilst the separation process continues and the burden can feel so heavy sometimes. I am not surprised that resentment of your Ex bursts through sometimes....you carry all the responsibility of family liffe as well as financial upkeep now whilst he has taken the fun no responsibility position. Life is unfair as other Wikis have pointed out and ex wiki Patrick left us with the thought that sadly there is no karma.
If you are feeling physically slowed down, that makes everything that bit harder. Now that is something you hopefully can deal with. I find post-divorce that I am vuknerable to things going wrong. I can just about manage my affairs but when something goes wrong, I go down fast and Eliza you are talking about big things in your post...so sorry to hear that your house sale has fallen through and you have an mistaken bill to fight. Snakes and Ladders is a good metaphor...where it can feel like you are back at the beginning sometimes. Hope a ladder comes along soon.
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Hi Eliza

I am truly sorry for what's happening to you, it seems so very unfair.

How on earth does someone sustain such a high life with no means to support it. This has been happening now for soooo long. My son missed his gym payment last month, he was charged by the gym and the bank and banned from the gym until the bill was paid. We are talking less than £50.

I have no pearls of wisdom for you, I just feel the injustice of it all which makes me feel mad. I hope, truly hope that something happens which will allow you to start a chapter of your life which is not thwarted by all the garbage and injustice that it currently is.

Take care Eliza.

LG xXx
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I'm saddened to read how you're feeling at the moment and want to add my support. We understand your despair, we've been there too, but try to believe that it will gradually get better again.

Most of us enter marriage with hopes, dreams and expectations and when the harsh reality hits that the person you thought you were married to had become a stranger, all those dreams are shattered. Naturally it hurts when you hear he's still living the high life whilst you struggle to make ends meet. He will have to be accountable one day. You may need to be extra patient with yourself now, and you will once more have to dig very deep to find the emotional resources and determination to climb out of this black hole.

Six months seems an awful long time to wait for physio btw. Would it be an idea to ring and ask if there's any indication of when you might expect to get an appointment?

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Thanks all of you for being there and so supportive.

Feel ok today though situation no better. In fact to add to the frustrations and indignities I had my credit card declined when trying to buy some food , and on the way home from work I literally wet myself, luckily at the front door. One humiliation after another, and all of them awkward and time consuming. Various letters to write, admin was never my strong point. And all I want to do is go to bed and stay there.

Ruby, my GP (of over 20 years, will be sorry to lose her when I move) is fully aware of the situation but there doesn't seem to be anything she can do. I'm on ADs already. I've damaged my ankle pretty badly over 6 months ago and am still waiting for physio on the NHS. Not being able to walk makes everything worse and slower.

But today on my way to work I found myself laughing about X and how stupid he is. But it does still hurt when I hear news of his continued selfishness and cruelty.

Anyway, I still have downs but at least I also now have ups, so things are getting better. Even when I'm down in the dumps I don't feel as helpless as I did when married.
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Eliza, as others have said, think of the issues with the house and HMRC as a blip - you have overcome bigger and nastier hurdles in the past. Regarding your last paragraph, please consider having a chat with your GP and ensuring that you and your children are getting the right support for you all.

IF anyone has been affected by this blog post, please see for a list of resources and organisations that offer the appropriate support - http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice/Depression-and-Stress/465757-Help-with-Depression-and-Stress.html#465757
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I was so sad to read your post and feel for you having to deal with financial problems as well as the pain of separation from your ex. Small steps and determination will get you through and you have to be strong for the children. If they lost you it would be much, much worse for them than anything that is happening right now. One day (hopefully very soon) it will be better..... Keep writing, keep strong.....
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Eliza, this will pass.... this was me this time last year after I'd been sat round for months surrounded by packed boxes, it all fell through, I lost my buyer then lost the house i was buying. I was stuck in a house i hated and he'd made me stay in for nearly 5 years till the children finished their education. I was moving miles away just to escape my old life and it all went with one phone call.
Today I'm sat in my new house , making it mine and I feel like the big cloud that hung over me for so long has finally gone.
So please don't give up hope ,things will work out, it just seems some of us have to take the longer path but I can say i probably appreciate it more for the wait.
You can do this and we are all here for you. Xx
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Sorry to hear you're feeling so low Eliza.
We all hit rock bottom from time to time, but we all manage to pick ourselves back up and I'm sure your luck will change.
I had another little blip last week and felt desperately sad for a couple of days. I felt so sorry for myself and did some 'pain shopping' which obviously made me feel ten times worse.
I keep remembering what Marshy says about snakes and ladders. You slip down another snake & feel absolutely rubbish but then you'll be climbing another ladder soon.....and one day we'll all reach the top.
Good luck and stay strong.
Patsy
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