....and a message for Susan Brown.... Abusive relationships are high on everyone's minds at the moment because of the high drama that is happening in The Archers. For my own reasons, I have a particular interest in this story of abuse in a marriage, but this week the newspapers ran this story of a lady who swam after a cruise ship thinking her husband was on board after they had had a row. He was actually safe on a plane home.......http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/mar/29/british-tourist-rescued-after-trying-to-swim-back-to-cruise-ship-in-atlantic The story was of a woman who was fished out of the water having swum after a cruise ship for 3 hours. She was perhaps not in the water as long as previously thought, but reports are mixed. At first glance, it may seem to have nothing to do with abuse, until you read the details..... According to all of the reports, there was some sort of marital row. Susan Brown and her husband, Michael, had earlier disembarked from the Marco Polo cruise ship at Portugal’s Funchal port and decided to fly back to Britain after having an argument. It doesn't say, but one assumes that they were on a cruising holiday together and should have been having the time of their lives. But of course..... rows happen. We do not know what that row was about, but her actions show all the signs of victim behaviour. I can well imagine this situation, because I was married to a man for 30+ years who was the cause of many a spoiled holiday. He had an unreasonably bad temper and would 'lose it' for no apparent reason. A small incident would have started it off. With us I might have said something or disagreed with him once too often (twice would probably do it). His 'red mist' would come down. He would be swearing and unreasonable, I would be miserable and upset and very, very alone. Feeling that once again the perfect holiday had been ruined. Susan Brown has said she had tried to swim out to the ship from an area by the seaside airport when she saw it sailing out of Funchal in the evening, wrongly thinking that her husband might have been on board. Later reports say that she says that when they were at the airport, her husband told her he was getting a taxi and returning to the cruise liner. But that didn’t happen and he boarded the plane - so he told her one thing at the airport and did another. He LIED. That lie lead directly to the incident which nearly cost her her life. Of course, people who have happy and balanced relationships will be puzzling and laughing over this. Why did she not know where he was? Stupid woman. Why didn't she just stay where she was and teach him a lesson? But I know from bitter experience of living with men like this that not being with him leaves you wondering how much trouble you will be in when you finally find him. So, you go to the most ridiculous lengths to get back with him to try and lessen the trouble you may be in. I used to panic if I lost sight of my husband when we were shopping or in busy places, as I knew that I would always, always get the blame if we lost each other. I knew I would be 'in trouble' even though I had done nothing wrong. When we eventually found each other he would be angry and full of bluster. As he had a complete inability to take the blame for any misunderstanding or upset. It was always my fault. As we have seen from the Helen/Rob situation, making the victim feel that she is the cause of all arguments is the way that the control is maintained. I wonder what sort of reception Susan got from her husband when they were eventually reconciled? Kindness? concern? I would bet good money that she does not receive the smallest amount of sympathy or reassurance of understanding or support from him. I doubt very much that we will see heartwarming pictures of their reconciliation in the newspapers tomorrow. For he will be ashamed of her actions. He will not support her or have cared that he came so very close to losing her. He won't take the smallest amount of responsibility for her actions. He will lay the blame for her reckless act solely at her door, when to her it was an act of desperation, which his controlling of her over the years has caused. The stupid, stupid fool (and he is far more foolish than she) has yet to admit to himself how much he needs her in his life. He has yet to acknowledge the huge impact not having her with him would have on him. I hope and pray that this will finally be the catalyst that spurs her into deciding to leave him. It might be the incident itself (what thoughts went through her mind about him and their marriage as she struggled in that water?). It might be his reaction when he sees she is safe. She might have thought, surely this time he will be sorry? Surely this time he will realise how important I am in his life? Only to be hugely disappointed when the first thing she sees is a sour and unwelcoming look. A mild rebuke (people will be there), and a perfunctory hug, 'You silly woman, what were you thinking?' But later, behind closed doors, she will be humiliated all over again; 'Were you trying to make me look like a complete fool? I felt a complete and utter idiot when the police came...... I don't f****** believe it!' Susan Brown. Wherever you are. Leave him. Pack your bags and leave. You are a star and a hero and you will never know this, but I, and many many women are thinking about you today and can completely understand why you did what you did.
Another option could be that the poor lady in question cold be struggling with dementia and her husband cant handle / does not know how to handle it.
Having first hand experience in this regard I can say that it is frustrating, depressing and very sad to see a relative go through such a thing and to see it happen to a soul mate / love of your life must be awful.
Poor woman! It also brought back memories for me too of my husband wandering off at the shops, not telling anyone where he went. Usually found him in a bookshop and in later years called his mobile. We also had a holiday with his parents where he announced he was going home midweek for some "paperwork" and leaving me with his parents and the kids... he was utterly furious with me when I said we would all come home then. He berated me angrily on the drive home, saying I would have to make it up to his parents and this was disgraceful. I felt guilty and ashamed despite the fact he had chosen to go home, had ruined our precious week away and was probably sneaking back for an OW!
I have not seen this in the press, but I can certainly resonate with your words. Your blog brings back many painful memories of my own years of being humiliated and dealing with a hot headed husband. I remember it all too well and to this day I still suffer from years of emotional abuse, working through it but the scars remain.