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People are Strange

D Updated
Hi Wikis This blog is not directly about my situation but need to tell someone and this is the only place I feel safe at the moment. Had a bit of an eventful weekend, stayed away from 'the house' (what I spoke about on the discussion board)and settled down to a peaceful weekend with a few good books, DVDs and a few cans of beer. However a blast from the past was about to change that. One of my friends from a few years ago went through a very painful separation which resulted in him trying to end his life. He had a spell in hospital as he was sectioned. All turned out ok for him as he is now teaching HGV drivers in Australia. His life is good and he will never come back to the UK again. We still speak occasionally but he doesn't know about my situation at the moment. The girl who left him for his so called best friend was the least possible person who you would think would have an affair, familiar story I know. The best friend even comforted him while his partner was upstairs in his house, very classy. Any way fast forward about 15 years and I found a friend request and message on my Facebook account. Yes it was from her asking me to contact her urgently. She sounded quite desperate so I contacted her. She gave me her phone number and I gave her a call, withholding mine of course. She asked me if we could meet so we did, in a mutual town as I will never trust her and thought it was odd for her to contact me. We had been good friends and had many good times together, by that I mean the three of us. We met up in a pub and I could hardly recognise her, when I last saw her about 15 years ago she was stunning with a smile that could melt hearts and a personality to match. When I saw her in the pub she had aged about 30 odd years and the bright lively eyes were now shallow and expressionless. She looked as if she has had substance abuse issues and her arms were scared and bruised. Life has certainly done her no favours as she could hardly hold a conversation without drifting. She immediately asked about my friend and if I kept in touch, I answered that I did occasionally to which she asked if she could have his contact details. Naturally I declined her request but asked her why, she replied that she wanted closure and needed to be sure that their relationship was dead. I was flabbergasted that it took her so long to make such a request and she knew what she had done to my friend. She even had the audacity to say she wanted to see if they could 'Start over again'. I went to the loo and contacted my old friend, short conversation given I was phoning Oz on my mobile, and he made it clear that under no circumstances was I to give her any details and it would 'Be a cold day in hell before I speak to her again' He hung up then sent a text confirming what he said. She cried when I told her and she begged for his details, sorry but I am loyal to my friends and will never betray their friendship. She even asked if I was with someone, I said that it was complicated and didn't want to discuss the issue. After a few more drinks reminiscing she asked if I wanted to sped the rest of the night with her. I told her no way as it wasn't me she wanted it was my mobile with contact details on it. I told her I was sorry and not that way inclined, I took her to a B&B and made sure she checked in to ensure her safety but left her there. I had deleted her, and blocked her, from Facebook before I caught my train home. What is bugging me is 1) How can such a person change so much, both physically and mentally just for chasing her dream 2) What gives a person the right to think they can just jump back into someone's life after so long. and 3) Did I do the right thing by leaving her as two wrongs don't make a right Sorry to have tied up valuable space with this mindless blog, just needed to tell someone. People are strange indeed All the Best DIAH

User comments

10 comments
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Comment
Yo def did everything right. You satisfied your curiosity, by the same token , kept loyal and walked away head held high. And the idea that karma might exist.
S
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Who cares. You did the right thing, close the book and move on with your life.
P
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Hi Down, thanks for sharing that story, and I agree you did the right thing by both parties. I suspect she hasn't changed that much, more that her core personality and the choices she made are catching up with her as she ages, and it's easier to see when she isn't so beautiful and confident. THe kind of woman who betrayed her husband, with his best friend no less, is the kind of woman who must always be with a partner, has poor boundaries, needs to be reassured of her own attractiveness, and is desperate and distraught when alone. THey don't do so well when they age and can't get the same reassurance. Glad your friend had the self-respect to decline contact.
V
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Well said all of you.

DOWN, the world is full of strange, thank god then that it's also got kind, generous thoughtful and selfless people in it also.

I'm with Afon, you so deserve better......

Warmest wishes to you

LG xXx
L
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Down,a good call on everything,
You met up with someone you were reluctant to meet,
You sat and gave her your time(very important)and listened.
Obviously then,this was not your call to make,so you checked with your mate first.Such a complete thought process,why oh why,can you not put that process into action in your own life??

Look at the first 2 questions above.....
And ask yourself why????

Your a good person,a good friend....and you deserve more!!!!!!
A
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This is a rather graphic example of what some of us hope might happen to the person who hurt us so badly. I've wanted to hear that my ex is now down from his flights of fantasy and regretting putting me through so much pain. I've hoped that now his affair has ended he's known something of the distress he caused me. Why do I feel sorry for the lady you met? Because she's in such a bad place now, but it doesn't change the hurt she caused your friend at the time. Sad ending for her. I hope your friend has had a happier life.
M
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It seems to me as if you have made a sound call at every stage of this horrible scenario.

Learn to trust in yourself. These are good calls of judgement.

(And an interesting if sad story from a wiki point of view - so much harm done to everyone concerned by selfishness and cheating.)

Well done to your friend for turning his lfe around and to you for continuing to be his supporter.
SF
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You certainly did the right thing so don't even worry about that. As for the changes in her, well maybe a bit if karma has head her way after what she put your friend through.

Nowt as strange as folk!
C
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Ok lets try and answer the questions one at a time.

1. The changes you saw are no doubt due to chasing something that was an illusion. A mirage. She threw away something good and pursued something destructive. I've seen it happen loads of times and always with the same result.

2. She has no right. She gave up that right when she pursued the inappropriate relationship she wanted. That goes doubly after 15 years. Treble that for driving someone to the verge of suicide like she did to your friend.

3. You did the right thing. You have to respect your friends wishes. His ex is living in some fantasy world that makes her believe that someone she destroyed would actively give her another attempt to destroy them. Why open up old wounds after all. I am sure there was a time your friend would have been prepared to forgive and forget. But guess what. That time is long gone. And he isnt Jesus and doesnt have Alzheimers.

Dont beat yourself up about it. And yeah you're right. People are strange indeed.
S
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Of course you did the right thing. Remember the adultery template - the cheater is usually a very unhappy person who blames their relationship for their unhappiness instead of taking time to analyse and recognise their real problems. And their new relationships often fail because they are built on sand. This it seems is what happened to this woman. She was unhappy, remained unhappy, and now looks back to what she threw away. The mess she is in is the result of her own actions. Harsh but true.

You have to be well grounded to chase - and catch - a dream. Too often it's just chasing a fantasy.
P