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scared for the future

N Updated
I keep getting panick attacks for what is going to happen in a few years time! I think ive mentioned this before but having one now so maybe it will help to write it down. I know nobodys future is set in stone and maybe this shock most have had on this site has made us all realise this more than others. many people chug along in their little worlds not really thinking or fearing the future and some get away with not having these major life changing events, i havent! It all boils down to money, what am i going to do in a few years time when my tax credits stop and i just have my wadges to live off. At the moment they arnt enough but what scares me is when i look at jobs i could do now if i were to change the wadges are pretty much what im getting at the moment. I do have ideas and options, im studying a course that could lead to a career change or running my own business on the side. i also have an idea of doing a night class that may help me get a better paid position, or i could get a little part time evening job on top of what im doing. il never see my kids but hey! Or you never know i might be in a realationship or even win the lottery,, (not sure which one of those is more likely) if the worst comes to the worst i could move to a smaller house. So you see there are options and opportunities i really need to stop worrying, i might get run over by a bus tomorrow, life is so scary now, it makes me feel sick! Im about to start to see a councilor soon and im hoping this will help me feel more positive. Was wondering how others cope with these feelings or is it just me that gets them?

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Comment
Crikey I know what you mean. It's terrifying.

I don't even have a job, so that's NO wages. I am hoping to continue my training course (I more year to go, two down) but that costs money. And I have three children to support (one is at uni but still home half the year). I get no money whatsoever from stbx, and the mortgage is a year in arrears and mortgaged to the hilt. What remains is taken care of by his debts about which I was kept ignorant. House has been on the market, no offers as yet. And stbx has rejected all my offers. I am absolutely deperate. I am trying to find some ways to make some money to fit around studies, children, house sale etc (which requires a lot of tidying, gardening etc) but especially while still so depressed that I just want to curl up and die 24/7. I wish the world would just stop really. It is all very well saying cut costs, but as it is I am as tight as a gnat's arse and (like PGtips in her previous post) liable to burst into tears at the least bit of waste or loss. Meals are miserable affairs and don't talk to me about cheap cuts, cheap shops, markets and what not. I know it all. I avoid spending any money at all if it can POSSIBLY be avoided. Meanwhile for all I know X is in a box at the opera with his girlfriend - all on debt. I have an abhorrence of debt, and this is all my worst fears realised.

Oh and I can't even read this properly - glasses already out of date after just two months. Apparently I need operations on my eyes. Varifocal lenses cost £300 and I have had to buy 4 pairs since he left i.e. less than two years, which has been a chronic waste of time as well as money. Stress, apparently. Everything costs money. Everything.

I have had enough.

Sorry for the rant....
E
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Hi NIcwin

Fear is a terrible thing and can cripple you but it can also drive you to not to do the things that you fear me most.

Without wanting to ramble on I have a morbid fear of debt and being on my own at first made me feel very insecure. How would I pay bills, put food on the table, how would I survive. What if I was really like my parents and without the security of my marriage and two incomes how quickly would I discover the horrid truth. Well the truth is I took redundancy, found a job paying me 50% less than I use to earn and I have no debt. I'm doing it and I'm doing it all by myself. Theres no candles in the house to light it up because I've not paid the electricity bill, no eviction notices and no CCJ's. I won't let it happen and like you I thought about how I would manage it all and then put things in place to ensure that. The fear of being like my mother made me pass money over so quickly that it even cost me money. Paying up front for my water rates put a £5 on the bill because it wasn't the preferred method of payment. Have you ever heard of the like... the robbing b......s.

I don't think you have anything to worry about because you yourself will make sure that " the worst " simply won't happen to you and with a few years to run with your tax credits you are already thinking of what to do for when that time arrives. Me thinks you should give yourself a lot more credit than you do for getting as far as you have.

If you have a business plan speak to people in the know about it and start formulating a plan to make it real. You have run a business with your stbx and to be honest it sounded like you ran it more than he did so you clearly have the ability, don't doubt that.

Warmest wishes to you.

LG xXx
L
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When I started with the Divorce Malarky,this was a fear of mine.
Having to manage on my wage alone,when I was used to living on 2 wages,was frightening to say the least.I knew I would have the same outgoings regarding utility's so how was I going to do it?
I done it,still doing it,live a great life,have my holidays,my wiki breaks etc...
You just adjust to what is coming in.I am not saying that flippantly,but you have too,I spend nowhere near as much on food as I used to,so that's a saving.
Fear of the future? Ah...many suffer this one,myself included at times..
But what is there to fear,we don't know what our future holds,it may just be that Lottery win,it may be that "Love Story" it may just BE..In my job we let the future take care of itself,because we know that sometimes it does not come, so learning to live for the day matters more.
Nicwin,looking for those extra ways of making money!!!
Hats off to you,you never know what friendships you will also make from these ventures also,and honestly with good friends in your life,the future is easier to face :D ;)

Take care
Cwtchs
Afon Xxxx
A
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All of the above! if you have a room, a lodger might be worth thinking about . I think you can make just over£4k a year tax free. You could always join airbnb. But mostly, as the others have said, this is about having confidence in yourself. I'm willing to bet that we all get panic stricken from time to time, but somehow we get through. ((()))
P
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Nicwin, I experience fear in the same way you describe. It comes and goes thank goodness. My tax credits are ending this month and my maintenance will be reduced, if only my bills would reduce when my youngest goes off to uni but sadly not. Like you say when you think it through, you can see that there are always options. I had a particularly bad day yesterday when I got a letter from my ex's solicitor to tell me that as he is moving into a more expensive rental, he will be trimming £400 of my interim maintenance. Still feel sick but delights of delights I've actually got an interview for a job which came through today. A new job definitely opens up possibilities, a good business idea which you put into practice. Lodgers? I've also decided to advertise for a couple of lodgers (Mon to Fri) as that will help. I think it's important to find a good way of relaxation when feeling really anxious says she who is up most nights at the moment. I really like sun flower's proposal to think about the next 10 mins. Breathe deeply and just think about now. Life is funny how it can throw opportunities into our paths sometimes so hope (and graft) help I think.
S
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That is exactly what the welfare system is there for, to help and provide welfare while you get yourself to a position where you don't need them anymore. Just by building your confidence by being on your own and asserting your independence and self worth, the solutions will become obvious and attainable.
I relied on tax credits to get back to work, first on a part time basis in a sh*tty administration job. Still receiving a small amount to cover some of the childcare now that i'm full time,but i honestly couldn't have done without so far.

In a year time, you outlook will have changed completely, and your opportunities might be different.

I was panic attacks as well at the idea of being the only responsible adult, responsible for ALL the decisions. As each month went by, my confidence grew. True, bills are still missed and juggled, but i am getting better at dealing with it.

So will you (())
J
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We have what we have now, it is what it is now,, we all know we can't guarantee our futures but we can make changes and adapt and eventually flourish, we have to be positive, I know it is hard, very hard, it is scary but we have to deal with it. I have had more positive days recently but today I have had similar thoughts, panic about the future, how will I cope financially? I have been looking through his statements to continue with this crappy divorce process, and the hurt I have felt is just so overwhelming, the fact he can afford to be so wasteful. we all get these feelings at some stage, you certainly aren't on your own xxxx
J
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will let you know sunflower, i think part of the solution is to get to a point when i dont need the tax credits, im working on it but my cnfidence is low.
N
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I promise I have these very same thoughts. When I panic - and I do I try to bring life back to this ten minutes - am I alright for this ten minutes. Are the bills paid and is there food on the table for this ten minutes. Well that is ok then. I have exactly your issues - I have not come up with an answer. I try to remember it is ok to treat onself a little - a few little treats won't change the long term outcome. I would be interested to know what your counselor would say too. Take care
SF