A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020
Mon/Fri 9am-6pm       Sat/Sun 2pm-6pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Struggling to cope this week

X Updated
Well been home a week and it has been horrible. I had to go away one night in the week for work, found out tonight Stbx spent the night at gf , my neighbour told me he had asked her to feed the cat, then tomorrow he is taking her to some mutual friends for the evening and staying over. I have asked him to move out , he could easily move in with her, but he keeps refusing. I am seriously considering moving out myself as my mental welfare is at stake . Youngest son is home from uni and he is witnessing me and his dad arguing, not good. Don't know why I keep letting myself get so upset about him and gf, she is not the reason we are splitting, but it feels like it is the major thing that is upsetting me. He has booked them a holiday later in the year, then he says it's early days yet, doesn't seem like it.

User comments

Already have an account?
Vastra, there's a thought , keep trying to ignore him but he keeps invading my space.
When he came home found out still lying to me , didn't stay at friends but back to her house , said didn't say that .. Still feel better that they weren't at our friends
Would it help to wear sunglasses & iPod/ headphones when he is around and pretend he doesn't exist? I don't envy you at all... As far as Im aware the law in Australia doesn't disadvantage partners who move out here, other than the cost of rent etc. Mine only stayed 2 weeks but then again ow lived with her parents so there was a big incentive to set up a love nest ASAP.
Hi Xargle

You know what i tip my hat to you, I couldnt be around my stbx with OW being so in your face. even if she isnt the reason for the split I still wouldn't want it around me.

The problem with your son is the tricky one because he's in the middle and the last thing either of you want is him feeling the strain of it all. I know it must be really hard and as I said I admire your ability to cope with it all. If your son starts to show any signs that he cant cope with it how much of that will add to the burden that you are already carrying around with you.

Of course it would be easiest all round if your stbx did move out but if he is not sure of this new relationship then hes not going to jump ship. But whatever is reasoning for not going dont let it become your reason to move out. This would be a big mistake. Try to keep doing what you are doing and planning things to do away from the house. I think it was Mitchum who said that she use to have a bag ready, so that when she became overwhelmed by her situation she would just grap the bag and go and stay with friends. Great idea

For what its worth I think that you are doing really well and you are only human and sometimes the stress and strain of it all does overwhelm us. I remember a time when my stbx said he was coming round to the house for some stuff, I took it that he was coming for the remainder of what was left, so I placed it all in the hallway so that he would not have to come inside the house. He arrived and saw the stuff and pulled the usual face which showed me how displeased he was with me (yawn yawn) He then gave me a mouthful of verbal asking what i was doing. Putting your stuff out ready for you to take, dah. I havent come for that, Ive just come for a tool cutter and some bits. When I asked him why he hadnt said thats what he was coming for he said, because I didnt think you would know what a tool cutter was.....like I needed to know.

He then proceeded to trapple through the house and it was obvious that he wanted a fight. Asking stupid questions and trying to get a rise out of me. When he finally got to the front door to leave, I followed him and holding the door I said you know what you are and before he had chance to say anything I casually said, You are the dick in ridiculous and with a flip of the wrist the door shut in his face. God knows where that came from but it was a goal scoring moment.
What he didnt see, as I spun round in my super confident cocky smugness I blindly walked into his stuff in the hallway and nearly broke my neck lol

Keep going, you're doing great

LG xXx
Hi Xargle,

Please, please, please do not move out of the FMH, until such times as all things are concluded, this could be his way of provoking you into doing just that so this OW can move in! Do not fall for his mind games!

Ignore him, do not communicate with him, if you see him or come face to face with him hold your head high and visualise him in a ridiculous way, smile courteously and walk on by! Imagine that you are living in shared accommodation and that you do not or want to know this man.

Hang on in there, this is just a dent in the road and will pass, but do not be hasty and do anything you may later regret!

Take care for now FoS x