During the discussions today over email with my soon to be ex-husband, he took a potshot at me that just smacked of desperation. He has decided not to complete the acknowledgement of service of my divorce petition to make life easier for me. This will save him from having to list all the reasons why he fell out of love with me. He disagrees with the reasons for the divorce that I listed in the petition, especially the one where I note he was having an affair. From what I've seen on this site, it's a common theme for husbands who are having an affair to blame their wives. What a cliche. My overriding feeling over the past few weeks has been one of total disappointment in the man I thought I knew. Cheating and lying even when faced with the fact that I know the truth and now blaming me for making him fall out of love with me. When I have days like this I am strangely heartened. I feel like a door is slowly opening for me onto a brighter world. The slow realisation that your soon to be ex-husband is actually a moron helps release some of the tension.
Thanks RockSteady. I have been reading over your blog and so much of it resonates with me. My soon to be ex husband is obviously in denial and can't quite face what's actually happening. I take comfort in the fact that like you said in your letter to yourself, he is obviously not in a good place and is undoubtedly making a series of huge mistakes. I am acknowledging and working through the pain (and the e.n.d.l.e.s.s paperwork) and will recover all the more quickly because of it.
It's not just husbands that blame their wives. Wives will blame their husbands if they have had affairs.
It's very hard to remain strong and realise that the false accusations will keep on coming until they are out of your life for good. I had "lost my drive", was "too needy" not "attentive" enough etc. etc. The only positive thing that was mentioned was that I could not be faulted as a "provider". Soon after she was texting asking at Xmas where her "f*****g" money was! You sound strong which is great