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The beginning of the end of a marriage.

B Updated

It is now nine years since I announced to my former husband that he could expect my petition for divorce any day. Ours had not been a happy marriage. The old adage of 'marry in haste and repent at leisure' certainly applied to me. I had known R (as I shall refer to him) for less than six months when I discovered that I was pregnant. Twenty six years ago having a child outside of marriage was still very much frowned upon so in May 1980 R and I tied the knot in the local register office with two friends for witnesses and no guests. I had not told my parents or family as I did not want a fuss but immediately afterwards I phoned my sister and told her and asked her to tell my parents for me.

Considering the circumstances they were very supportive but there was much I did not tell them about R which if they had known would have probably led to them trying to stop me from marrying him. Looking back now I still wonder how I stayed with him for so long or even what I found attractive in him. He was abusive emotionally and physically and pathologically jealous. He made me very unhappy and he made me afraid.

Every day he for seventeen years he frightened me and bullied me and made false accusations about me. He threatened to take my children from me if I ever tried to leave him and he said he would have me killed if I did and I believed him.

I attempted to leave him on a number of occasions over the years but he always lured me back, promising that he would change, that he loved me blah blah. It was only when I stopped being afraid of him that I found the determination to rid myself of him and then, lo and behold, he became afraid of me - but that's a tale for another day.

What I am trying to say is that my life was just about as bad as a person's could be and that for me getting divorced has been an almost entirely positive experience. I know how hard the breakdown of a relationship can be when you are going through

and everyone's experiences of divorce are different but there is life after divorce and it will get better.


User comments

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The fact that you have been through all that and come out the other end is an inspiration for the rest of us in similar situations... :-*
Good for you, it's difficult getting out of a bad situation like that it drags your self confidence right down. It beggars belief how some people can be behind closed doors when they can be so reasonable with everyone else. Some are just as nice as they need to be. You did well, hope the future brings many blessings!
Wow - and here i was feeling sorry for myself cos i was getting a financial drubbing in the ancillary relief game. You've made me realise that my marriage may be ending badly but for the whole 17 years from wedding to separation I was happy. I had it good. Thanks for putting that into perspective for me.

I admire you for the way you stood up to him and took control of your destiny, i'm sure that your story could be an inspiration for others.
congratulations on your courage.