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two sides of a coin

E Updated
Someone said to me many years ago: 'You can either think your way into a new way of acting or you can act your way into a new way of thinking'. Just thought I would throw that in, after reading some of the comments on my latest blog post. Not sure what I think of it really, but it seems to me to be worth a try. My children (or some of them) are or were painfully shy. I used to suggest to them sometimes that they thought of a friend who was not shy, and, just sometimes, tried to do what they thought that friend would do, occasionally, in a small, safe way. Why did I never do the same myself? Also, in reply to I think it was AngieP who talked about over analysing: As some of you may know, I do have a secret weapon these days, which i don't talk about much online. I realise I am hardly an advertisement for it, but let me tell you: without it I would surely have topped myself. Anyway, one of my secret weapon friends once made a comment that I try to remind myself of. He observed that we all have our whole bodies to live in, and we should not spend all our time living only in the attic. I know I spend too much time in there, beginning to try to tidy up, then moving onto another pile of stuff in there that needs sorting, and never quite finishing any task but flitting from one worry to another, round and round. I realise that my brain starts to feel as though it is the little dot that we used to get in the tv at night, when the screen shrunk into a pinprick. I then try to remind myself to think outside the attic. I feel my brain start to swell up, like a marshmallow rather than a little kernel. It helps. I realise I sound nuts, but honestly, studies have shown that the best way to create alpha waves (i.e. relax) is to imagine the space between your ears. It sort of makes your head expand, in a good way. (In my family, when I was a child, we were praised for what we did in the attic i.e. being brainy. That and not causing waves. Bodies were a bit of an embarrassment and we didn't talk about them or pay much attention to them. Unfortunately.) I hope some of these thoughts might help someone (including me!) and now I will head off to bed.... Night night x

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I find it's extrtemely easy to live only in my head.
The trouble with that is you are not living in the real world.
I know you have talked Eliza about how tired you get and physically feel unwell and no energy to try and take action.
That is the trouble for people who are just operating through their minds.you are not at one with your body as a whole and you are expending all your energy in thought. Then in reality you've spent so much time thinking that you are actually too knackered to actually physically do anything about it.
The only way to stop living in your head is to physically make an intervention. I actually say aloud will you feck off keep thinking about this over and over you obsessive nutter. What have you got to do.
If you make yourself exercise you will start to feel more whole between your mind and your body.
I've no doubt Mind people are not doers our problem is we think about doing it and actually do feck all in the end other than thinking about feeling guilty then that you've done feck all.
Hence how you end up sitting in a chair all day feeling wretched because you should be doing summit but your mind is paralysing your body to take activity.
For example i've had a gym membership for 24 years i must have paid out £18000 in that time.i've had numerous occasions that if i used the gym 3 times in a year i'd be exaggerating. I think every day i should go to the gym....I'll have time....nothing else to do and I still won't go and the hours will tick by ansd i'll be thinking all the time i should go but I know I wont and I feel guilty and the next day all the same minds and inactivity and laziness win over the body and doing.
The situation for you is totally exacerbated by the fact that you haven't had to do anything either. Your finance was provided by your husband so now to a thinker it's absolutely fecking terrifying that the only way forward is to start doing.Hence why you are finding it all so terribly difficult to handle and the return to your default position about thinking about it all which then brings us back to the start that you will be knackered using mental energy.
It's a circle......I won't you the word vicious because that perpetuates the victimisation you feel and then that's another excuse to the thinker to do nothing other than think about how hard done to they are.
So there you have it that'll be £10000 please for the incisive psycho analysis.
In summary less thinking more doing hun.
And remember you know I'm always right
All the best
Eliza - your thoughts and your openess as to how you are dealing with them really do help me as they provoke my own. Thank you. Think I understand some but not all of what you are saying (your attic is obviously bigger than mine :)). Tried what you said about trying to relax the space between the ears - it seems to work! For me personally, having looked at myself from many angles and thinking I have a pretty good idea of how and why I got into the situation I now find myself seem to have a kind of automatic cut off point where I just can't think anymore - like everything is too tightly packed and it becomes painful - is that what you are saying? For me just then have to get on and "do". On realisation that marriage was over was told that "I'd be ok as I was very capable" -what a reference as a wife! I had done too much "doing" and not enough thinking. Again what you say about dynamics of family of origin makes sense too - it was very much one of being stoic -just get on with things and don't complain or make a fuss.