It’s been a while since I last posted on this site. In the early days I found great comfort from others experiencing the same waves of emotion, which I found myself experiencing. My journey for those that don’t remember me started in June 2011 when my husband and I separated. Our 3 children were aged just 1, 9 and 10 years. Like several others on here my husband went on to find the love of his life within a few days of leaving and found finding time to see the children almost impossible. We settled into a routine of visits for 2 hours a week and 1 overnight stay every five weeks. I admit I struggled with his ability to swan off and lose sight of any responsibilities he once had and I was very bitter that he appeared to have found the perfect life whilst I struggled alone practically full time with the children. I joined a single with kids group and booked a few camping holidays for the kids and me. Daunting, as I didn’t own a tent let alone know how to put one up. Our first trip away with lots of other people in my position was just what we all needed. How the kids and me laughed trying to put that bloody tent up…. several friendly people came to our rescue and we had a ball. I’ve done several of these holidays now and highly recommend joining the group. In 2013 I got slightly braver and booked a holiday to Ibiza for the kids and me for 2 weeks. Again another new experience holidaying alone but we had an amazing time and it definitely brought the kids and me closer and I was determined to show them that I could do it alone. In September 2013 something I never imagined possible happened, I met a wonderful man who accepted that I had 3 children and not a lot of time for anything else. We started to date very slowly and gradually he became part of all of our lives. In June 2015 we married and both me and the children were very happy. As Marshy says on here regularly ‘ I had definitely walked into the sunshine’. Christmas 2015, my ex husband always has the children for 2 nights Boxing day evening and the following evening the 27th as it is my sons birthday. The children always come back on 28th. Me and my husband decided to have a mini break away whilst the children were with their dad. We had a wonderful time, laughing, eating, drinking, dancing, tuk tuk rides around Dublin and then it was time to come home. As we walked through arrivals at the airport we were greeted by a police officer, a friend I have known for years and I made the joke to my husband that he had come to give us a lift. It wasn’t a joke; the police escort was there to provide us with a lift. I was informed my ex husband had that morning taken his own life whilst he had the children. The next few days/weeks were a haze. The perfect life that my ex husband had told me he had didn’t exist. His new marriage of just 12 months was on the verge of collapse and he was a very unhappy man. The children are devastated and receiving counselling for their loss. I think it has hit me harder than I ever thought it possibly could. I have gone through a range of emotions towards my ex husband, mostly anger. How a person can be so selfish as to sit his 3 children down on the sofa and tell them he loves them before leaving the room to take his own life knowing full well that they could follow him and find his lifeless body is beyond me. Christmas time and my son’s birthday will never be the same again. So we as a family are starting to learn a different way of life again and one, which we will succeed at. We have the love and support of my husband and a strong team of family and friends around us.
Unfortunately, people who commit suicide are often judged as being selfish. I have always believed this until I felt suicidal myself after my separation. Suicide is bad, it leaves lots of collateral, but don't judge, when life becomes unbearable thoughts of ending it all become acceptable in one's mind. It's a strange feeling.
Just as when we marry,we never think at some point we will divorce,and I suppose when we divorce,they in their arrogance never think that their life will go pearshaped,but invariably it does.
I honestly believe that not many leavers find that Nirvana that they are looking for,whatever problems or insecurities an individual has,will be then no matter who they are with,except with the demise of a marriage there will be added issues....
I have to say the way he done it,with your children around was very cruel,I cannot say selfish,because to take your own life...you really have reached the end of the road,and cannot see any future...
The actions he decided upon were cruel towards the people who loved him,and I hope that with time,your kids will be okay.
Life and death are the only things we can rely on,what happens in between is what matters,so rely on each other,love and respect each other,but remember you and your family will have to move forwards,your entitled to be happy again....
What a shock. Words seem inadequate to offer condolences in such circumstances. It's hard to comprehend why he would have chosen to subject the children to such a scene. Your parents must have been very shocked too.
I hope that in time and with help you and the children will find that the love you have for each other will see you through. xx
My sympathy. Some of is do seem to truly have a winding road through life with very unexpected turns. Just awful for your children. It's clear to me that people often leave marriages because they are not happy with themselves and they blame others. They use relationships to try to fix themselves or the problems they have. Sadly I know what it feels like to be suffering and in pain and how it might become possible to think of ways to end the suffering. I don't believe anyone necessarily predetermines their own demise out of malice. I hope you and yours can heal and love and look each other.