And down we go again on the roller coaster. It's positively embarrassing, and a shame, that even indirect, reported communications from my X can set me off. I wish I would not cry in front of my children about what an evil b****** their dad is but sometimes even now I get overwhelmed by the extent of his stupidity, selfishness etc and sheer brass neck. I know that - as I said in an earlier post only today - human relationships are tricky. And with one's X, everything is seen through the prism of divorce and heartbreak. But seriously, some Xs take the cake, and mine is one of them. Years and years of thinking that I was the unreasonable one (gas lighting) make it difficult for me to be objective, and (obviously) my friends are all outraged on my behalf. But maybe they are right. Maybe I should stop making excuses for him. Maybe he really is a COMPLETE A******. Anyway, I have to try to remind myself of the positives in this sh1tty situation, and that I was feeling pretty good earlier today. To try to prevent him from infecting my life with more negativity. All the same, it would be much better for all of us if he simply ceased to exist.
I have been one of the snails on this journey Lizzydoo And every little move forward was painful and tearful. Even as recently as a year ago I still fell into a dark hole. Sometimes when I catch my boy and me laughing it amazes me (delightfully) that we survived as at my lowest rock bottom state when he was younger I came so close to the unthinkable. You have done great gel and in context of everything that happened a cry or a rant here and there proves you are still a thinking, feeling, loving, wonderful hoooooman, not a heart of stone. Your humanity makes you vulnerable and the crying is testimony that you have kept your humanity through all your troubles. What a gift to treasure and to share with others in need. No one understands like someone who has lived it yet hung on to who they are.
Love NIge xx
Yes yours does take the cake, listen to your friends! Don't be tough on yourself for still getting upset with your ex's antics, mine still infuriates me with his ongoing refusal to stick to parenting agreements and basic social courtesies (e.g. bringing kids back 4 hours early with 15 min notice).
Hopefully you're already feeling calmer and you know you can ride out these low points. xx