Just seperated.... My choice but completely broken

We have been married for nearly 15 years. over the past few years all we seem to do is fight. we have broken it off and gotten back together many times.
This time it feels final and I am in a real state. I love him so much but we can not carry on like we are.
I feel lost and I really do not know what to do.
We are still in the same house together with our children.
Any advice would be great.
We have mediation next week but im not sure what that means exactly???

Hello Shattered, welcome to Wikivorce.

I''m sorry to hear that things are very difficult for you at the moment. Would you consider going to relationship counselling either on your own or together to try to work through some of the issues you are experiencing in your marraige?

Mediation isn''t like counselling, it will help with making and agreeing the practical stuff like finances and child arrangements. Perhaps it''s a little early to be going to mediation?

I thought mediation was like counselling. I put the ball in motion. My husband has become closed off and it is killing me.
He thinks it is the right decision. Maybe it is, but I can''t get my head around the man I love not being in my life.
It all used to be so perfect.

Dear Shattered - what a horrible place to find yourself in - I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain, there''s nothing quite like it. Lots of lovely people on this Wiki with lots of very useful advice - both practical and emotional - that will help you to deal with this and may even prevent you getting into unhelpful situations - you are in a very fragile state right now and need to lean on trusted friends and family to carry you through the initial dark days. Keep talking here - much love xxxxxxxxx

Hallo, Shattered

What you are feeling is horrible - but it is just feelings, and they will pass.

We''ve been there and got the t-shirt.

I am not sure what the Mediation you mention is for - you say you started it? What are you hoping to get out of it? Mediation means the mediator is able to act as a buffer between you and your husband so you both feel you can put your views across without emotions getting in the way. It''s usually to sort out money and childcare but it could be to sort out any sort of dispute.

Counselling can be individual or as couples and it is about working through your emotional issues.

Hi Shattered,

I've got a good friend going thru' exactely the same situation, ok, they are lucky, they don't have children, but have been together 17 years.

There relationship is torturing them both, they can't live together & can't live apart, they still love each other but not they way they should or used to. More like a brothely/sisterly sort of love, they haven't had an intimate relationship for over 3 years.

They are the best of friends & i think that's all they will ever be, she is desperate to finally end it & move on, he hangs on & on & on, for what reason, none of us actually know. When you get them together, they truly are the life & soul of the party, they are invited to so many events, functions, parties, etc, because they are so much fun to be around, people haven't a clue what goes on behind closed doors.

I find it sad that my mate won't leave & move on with his life, He told me he doesn't love her, i think his insecurites are holding him back, I've told to chuck him out & let him stand on his on 2 feet for once.

It's very hard the situation you find yourself in to, but sometimes, even tho we are in love, is it for the right reasons. Try mediatiion, see how things go, take one day at a time, your friends are here to help in whatever we can, keep us posted, best wishes.

Well it has been nearly 3 months and we are still under the same roof. There have been so many tears.
He wants me back and is being very loving but I have been here so many times before. I know it could all change in a blink of an eye. It's a vicious circle.... He pulls his love away and I behave badly from that point on.
I really wish he had have moved out and given us some time to decide what we both want and if we belong together.
I didn't want for us to fall in to the same pattern again.
I feel broken and tearful and tired.
How do you walk away from someone you love???