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I'm afraid to take that last jump !

  • Draggingon
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4 years 4 weeks ago #483806 by Draggingon
I'm afraid to take that last jump ! was created by Draggingon
Hi Wiki friends,

Haven't posted for quite a while, i'm desperate for some help, if anyone can offer any i would be so grateful...story so far,

Been in a never ending relationship, (17 yrs)i desperately want out, i bought my own house a few yr's back, taking pity on the ex at the time, i let him move in, till he sorted his mortgage & to find his feet.

2 yr's on i'm still stuck with him, he won't seem to go, It's my house, NO children, he constantly plays mind games with me & intimidates me that i'm afraid to just throw him out.

It's making me ill & i really can't find the courage to say \"go\" get out, i can manage financially on my own, all be it tight, but i can get by.

I just don't know how to go about this & how to deal with it, i'm suffering panic attacks & anxiety & have got to the point, i dread going home to my own house.

He's got round to sorting a mortgage but told me he's in no hurry to find a place, i tried to put it that he could buy a place to rent out, so once the deal went thru i could tell him to leave & not come back.

Can anyone give me a hint of advice how to deal with this, i'm scared stiff of him, i just can't bear to be with him any longer, If i want to go out he makes me feel so sick with guilt for leaving him, so i don't go, my life is on hold & i'm totally bloody miserable, thanks in advance wiki's.

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  • larryg
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4 years 4 weeks ago #483854 by larryg
Replied by larryg on topic Re:I'm afraid to take that last jump !
Draggingon,

From what you have said on here seems like you are suffering domestic abuse, noone should be made to feel like that in their own home...

My (personal) advice would be to seek legal advice and if you feel able to talk to your local police force about it... they will be able to signpost you to any other agencies that might be able to help.

You should be able to live your life for yourself and not for him... dont give up and dont give in...

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  • Bulldozer23
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4 years 4 weeks ago #483856 by Bulldozer23
Replied by Bulldozer23 on topic Re:I'm afraid to take that last jump !
I'm so sorry to hear your story.

I would strongly urge you to seek support from an Agency like Women's aid, they are extremely good, can help with support, guidance and mine also has a drop in session with a solicitor for free.

You do not need to live in fear of him, but probably need the right support to help get him out of your life.

Good luck

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  • Strawberrypimms
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4 years 3 weeks ago #484087 by Strawberrypimms
Replied by Strawberrypimms on topic Re:I'm afraid to take that last jump !
I am so sorry you are having to go through this, and urge you to see firstly a solicitor and then find a support group either through here or some where like social media.
It is am impossible situation when you daren't take action because you are scared of the reaction you will provoke, regardless of court orders etc we are well aware a determined person will find their way to you. I advocate getting someone to be with you when you talk to him, perhaps a family member or friend who will take your side and point out it's time for him to actually do something about the move. Don't try doing it alone it's just too frightening by yourself.
He does sound as if he would go if challenged in the right way, so be brave.
The longer you allow this to carry on the harder it will be to break free.
Trust me you CAN do it !

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  • Scaredsilly1
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4 years 1 week ago #484480 by Scaredsilly1
Replied by Scaredsilly1 on topic Re:I'm afraid to take that last jump !
I can sympathise with what you are going through, it is mental abuse, get in touch with your sanctuary they support women like us, and can help, it also helps to have his abuse logged.

Speak with police too, they may be able to suggest what can be done to remove him.... Don't be unhappy, it takes strength, but please believe me it's such a relief to get some control back, take baby steps but start talking, tell friends and family what is going on, don't isolate yourself xxxx

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  • Kazzz
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4 years 6 days ago #484590 by Kazzz
Replied by Kazzz on topic Re:I'm afraid to take that last jump !
Hi,
It sounds like he is using psychological bullying (which is classed as abuse) to intimidate you and although he's an ex-husband he could be classed as a 'partner' or you are in a 'family type relationship'.There is a charity called 'safer places' tel 03301 025811 (or check out their website). They have been very helpful with me and I have seen their legal advisor for lots of help regarding legal advice and helping me to divorce. They have a helpline and assess you offering advice and practical support so they should be able to help you. There is lots that can be done to have him removed so don't feel helpless and don't let him take advantage of you any longer.
You could also look at the National Domestic violence website. At least contact a few organisations who can point you in the right direction.
Best wishes
Karen :)

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  • Draggingon
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4 years 5 days ago #484623 by Draggingon
Replied by Draggingon on topic Re:I'm afraid to take that last jump !
Hi Kazzz,

Thanks for your response, We were never married, no children thank goodness. I have tried to speak to several people & agencies regarding my situation.

It's been so difficult for me to deal with, yet again only last week i told him he has to leave, he just answered with, \"yep\" your right, i'll start looking for a place. & so it goes on :angry:.

It's my own home & i have no family at all so am alone, I have literally no place to go apart from my home. I have become withdrawn from my friends because of him & none of them actually like him, My bestie has refused to have contact with me until \"i've thrown him out\" as she put's it. She has hated him for many years, & he feels the same about her, I think it's because she figured him out many years ago & know's what he's really like.

I'm so worn down with it, i feel i have no strength to fight it any more, i look forard to going to work to escape my situation, I'm a totally different person at work, as soon as the end of the day draws nearer i start to become withdrawn again.

A vy good friend of mine is a Police Officer, basically they can't do anything until he physically attacks me or my home. I even have considered selling up to escape him, move away out of the area, which saddens me i have a good job which i have been doing for an awful long time, but feel i have no escape. If i flee the house i know he will do damage if i'm not around, wether it be to my furniture & possessions etc. When i'm not there he goes through all my things, i.e paperwork, drawers, cupboards etc, i don't know what he's hoping to find, anything i do have that i don't want him to see i keep at work, i.e paperwork for my shares etc.

Thanks for listening D

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