last resort

For a while I have been thinking that I wanted out of my marriage. He has done nothing wrong I simply do not love him anymore and don't want to go on living with him. The hardest thing for me is that we have two boys (3&5). I have kept my feelings to myself for a long time as I didn't want to admit to anyone (myself included) that things had got that far. I have tried things for the sake of the boys but I don't see why I should be unhappy for the rest of my life just to keep the family together.
I told him how I felt a couple of months back. We went to a mediator but then had to stop as she wasn't happy to carry on with us as he hadn't come to terms with it. Things went on and the final straw I went to a solicitor and filed for divorce. It had to be on 'Unreasonable Behaviour'. Then had to put down reasons which he is not happy with (I couldn't simply put fallen out of love).
He now thinks I am after all that I can get (which I am not) and reckons he is going to fight me all the way.
I realise that this is hard for him I just want to get it over with.

If he hasent done anything wrong how can you divorce him for UB? UB is simply that he had to do somethings (about 7 or so) that you think are unreasonable. For him to be upset with that I can only assume that he did not do these things. No wonder he is upset. You could divorce him in 2 years. That way you do not need the reasons for UB. Could you wait that long?

Not staying for the sake of the family. I hear that a lot now. People are not prepaired to put themselves second for the sake of the family. Whats wrong with duty? You have a duty to your family. Also you made marriage vows. These are a sacred promise and you should keep them. By the ages of your children I would say that you have not been married that long.

Not acusing you of anything but is there someone else involved?

Sorry for being hard on you. I was totaly shafted by a women that I devoted my life to. I was married for 12 years and I got binned for a fat bast***. Chris.

Gilly, Have you told us everything. I sense more behind your words.

I left my husband. To the outside world it would have seemed the ideal marriage but all was not what it seemed and I am loath to explain that to many, only a few have my trust.

Have you anyone who can advise you and confide in?

I just don't feel I can carry on together pretending that I feel things for him when there is no longer anything there, and no there is no one else.
I can't wait 2 years to sort this out. I had thought about seperation but was advised by cab not to leave as it would seem I was making myself homeless and would go against me.
It seemed a no win situation and I don't want to end up arguing all the time. The solicitor said that was the only reason I could give for Divorce as none of the others applied.
I have got a couple of friends that I have been talking to and they have been really supportive.
I don not intend taking everything he has got and will not stop him having contact with the kids. He did say yesterday he was gong to fight me and take everything I have got.

gilly30 wrote:

I just don't feel I can carry on together pretending that I feel things for him when there is no longer anything there, and no there is no one else.
I can't wait 2 years to sort this out. I had thought about seperation but was advised by cab not to leave as it would seem I was making myself homeless and would go against me.
It seemed a no win situation and I don't want to end up arguing all the time. The solicitor said that was the only reason I could give for Divorce as none of the others applied.
I have got a couple of friends that I have been talking to and they have been really supportive.
I don not intend taking everything he has got and will not stop him having contact with the kids. He did say yesterday he was gong to fight me and take everything I have got.

Hi Gilly. I am glad that there is no one else. This is often the case when people do this sort of thing. If you cant wait then I suppose you will have to get on with it at a slower pace. But I suspect that you will get resistance. Your husband is saying he will fight you. Not good. This may mean that he contests your divorce and if you do not have valid reasons for behavour then he could contest. Even if its a waste of time. I know someone that did this. Cost a fortune and they still ended up divorced.

Another problem you may encounter is that your husband may go into denial. What you end up doing is piling more and more presure on for him to accept the situation and it gets nasty.

This may be a case for counsiling. Where you can both go and get help with this situation. That way he gets time to get used to the situation and it happens in a nice controled way. Instead of him just strugling on and you getting frustrated.

Chris.