Hubby has bought himself a house!!!

Hello.
After many months of procrastinating, hubby has finally gone and bought himself a house and will be exchanging contracts in a couple of weeks or so he says.

He is cashing in some UK investments/ISAs as well as using his French savings in order to buy the house £205,000) outright.

I will stay in FMH with our 3 kids (10, 15 and 17) and he will contribute half of the monthly mortgage payments, as well as giving me some child maintenance. In total, around £1000 per month.

The FMH will be sold when youngest leaves school, and he then wants 50% of the equity.

I mentioned today that the value of his new house would also be taken into account/go into the pot but he became very agitated and aggressive, telling me that his solicitor had told him that I have no claim to his new house, that it will be his entirely.

So his thinking is that he will have 100% of the equity in his new house plus 50% of the equity in our FMH. He earns more than me and I will be the primary carer to our children. This doesn't seem fair. Is he right? I am getting really anxious about this.

I am going to see a solicitor soon. I should have done it sooner. Hubby doesn't want to divorce (yet) but I'm thinking i may just go for it so finances are settled once and for all.

I would recommend getting the ball rolling sooner than later. I divorced 3 years ago and finances still not sorted because she is being obstructive.

Your solicitor will advise that his property has to go into the pot as an asset as will yours. So he could well be disilusional over what he gets.

Get yourself a good recommended solicitor don't just go for a local one for convenience. A bad one (probably wrong word) will be a hindrance

He used joint assets to purchase this property, so I don't see how he can expect it to be excluded from the marital pot.

I don't think you need to worry about that.

To put your mind at rest further, I would definitely advise seeing a solicitor for some initial advice.

At what point are you thinking that the value of his house should be taken onto account?

Now makes sense as it has been bought with marital assets but if you're thinking in 8 years time when the FMH is divided then it would not appear so fair.

You need to post details of all incomes, assets ages etc for someone to comment on a fair split but if there is enough assets it would be better to divide things now otherwise in 8 years you may not be able to afford to house yourself.

Thank you for your comments.

I am going to see a solicitor this week. She will probably advise me to start divorce proceedings (as she did last year when I went to see her, but I still had some hope we could work things out).

We currently have £600,000 equity in our home with around £90,000 left to pay on the mortgage.

If I got 50% of the equity (£300,000), there is no way I could afford a a house for me and my 3 girls, even if I downsized to a 3 bed house, in this area. And we need to be near here for their schools and my job. So it makes financial sense to stay in the FMH until they have all left school. Stbx is moving an hour away to afford his new house, but he's not tied to schools like I am.

How is it that you can be married to someone for 20 years who is generous and giving with money and then suddenly you are faced with this stranger who becomes very defensive and possessive over things such as his pension and savings, and who repeatedly reminds you that he has contributed much more financially to the marriage than you have?

I dread the road ahead....

Hi Kitty

I know it is hard. But try to stop thinking of the past and think of your future.

Staying in the family home now to give security to your children seems the obvious choice.

But when they have all left home and the time comes to divide the assets...

The courts are very generous when there are children to consider. Less so, when they have all left home.

Hard to hear, but think of your own future as well as that of your children. In some ways, it's better to make the changes now.

Speak to your solicitor and then check back with us - we're here for you xx

"How is it that you can be married to someone for 20 years who is generous and giving with money and then suddenly you are faced with this stranger who becomes very defensive and possessive over things such as his pension and savings"

Do you not think possibly he thinks the same way. I think we all tend to be guilty of only looking at the picture from our own sides the fence.

Not saying you are right or wrong just we become strangers to each other. I think it's called self preservation