Getting started with my divorce

My ex and I separated in May 2012 and I left the marital home.

Originally we were going to wait the two years but after a year of separation I''m ready to get it all over and done with and want to get started.

The breakdown occurred due to patterns of behaviour rather than specific incidents and I''ve drafted my statements to reflect this. Basically we can match each other on poor behaviour point for point and therefore we essentially agreed we weren''t making each other happy and we mutual agreed to separate.

We''re all amicable and have resolved all financial issues except the house which we have a plan/verbal agreement for. We intend to make this formal in a Consent Order. We want nothing from each other at all - just the divorce and we''re both keen to do it as cheaply as possible.

I''m leading the way and I''m currently waiting to hear back from him as to whether he thinks my statements of UB are ok. I plan on going to drop the papers off in person to the court on Tuesday however I''d like some reassurance if possible.

1. Will it be frowned upon by the court that we''ve waited a year to submit the petition?

2. Are my statements likely to accepted if they don''t relate to specific incidents? I plan on including about 6 statements which on one hand seem petty but on the other when put in the right wording seem ok. I suppose I''m just worried that they''ll be considered a bit weak.

3. If he doesn''t contest it and we fill everything in correctly, how likely is it that the divorce could be refused?

Sorry if these questions seem silly but I have no experience of this and I''m genuinely getting quite anxious that something could go wrong and delay everything.

Can anyone help settle my mind at all?

If I may say so, you seem to have gone about this in a reasonable manner.

The answers to your questions are :

1. No, in my opinion. People often delay proceedings in the hope that things will improve. You should not be penalised for doing this.
2. The allegations don''t need to relate to specific incidents, they could refer to a pattern of behaviour
3. I have known cases rejecting petitions on the grounds of UB, but it happens about once in a blue moon. The fact is, if both of you want a divorce, the marriage is over.

And by the way, if you want to do it amicably, I suggest you agree to share costs 50/50. Claiming costs causes more hassle than soft Pete.

LMM

Thank you for your reply, it''s very helpful.

As for costs we had agreed to split everything and will deal with that outside of court. I have thought that if he gets uncomfortable with the statement I might offer to pay for the whole thing as it is a bit unfair. He''s also been very good about the house and hasn''t expected to me to pay a penny since I left so I wouldn''t feel hard done by to bear the full costs to keep things ok between us.

The costs are minimal when you both agree, court charge £430 for divorce Absolute and to seal a consent order, a solicitor lawyer whatever can complete the paperwork side for £279, so its just not worth arguing about.

I wish you could talk to my S2BX....

Congratulations on getting it sorted in such a manner. it seems very rare. Hope things work out. For you both!

Well things have not exactly gone to plan.

He is now kicking up a fuss demanding to see my bank accounts for the 3 years we were married and holding up the divorce claiming he''ll go through the courts unless I supply them willingly. He thinks I siphoned off money and have huge amounts in savings - completely not true and its a bit complicated to explain where he got this idea from.

Needless to say I thought it had all been resolved last year and he hasn''t mentioned any issue with the financial situation since - not even during our conversation the other week about getting going on this process. This is brand new and out of the blue.

I have it in an email that assuming he can''t find evidence of this supposed mystical savings account our straightforward divorce and associated agreements all still stand. So I''m complying in the hope we can still do this cheaply and reasonably.

If not it looks like it''s time to lawyer up and I have a free half hour session booked already just in case.

Can''t believe he''s doing this now and can only think that it''s a total power trip and his last protest. There''s no money to be fighting over (certainly not enought to warrant or even cover a solicitor battle), he still wants the house and its not worth forcing sale to be awkward (we''d be in neg eq). He claims his motives are purely for perosnal closure but I can''t help but feel there is more to it.

Feel sick and just want him out of my life now. Any support much appreciated.

Having same from my stbx.

Give him the accounts if there is nothing to hide.
Ask for all his too in return if it makes you feel better.

If you can? Try and keep the "whatever" attitude.
Keep smiling. It winds em up even more if you comply and are happy about it.... Bitterness rips you up. He is there I think!

Stay cool and factual.

This is do as I say. Not as I do! From experience!

Stay strong and get it done. Best of luck.