adultery

The bottom line is if you want to save a marriage criticism is unproductive. Human nature is such that blame and accusations of lying and deceit are likely to alienate your wife. Healthy relationships do not include intentional tactics to make a spouse tell the truth, "shake her up a bit" or sign away their rights. That could be perceived as mind games, manipulation and psychological control which is far more likely to destroy a relationship than fix it.

See Relate''s Top 3 DON''Ts in conflict resolution.

www.relate.org.uk/blog/2014/10/03/top-3-...s-resolving-conflict

There is also some advice about talking and listening to your partner and identifying the root cause of the problem together here;

www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help...-should-i-be-worried

Hi Col

Not saying it is the case with you but some of the things you say such as "it puzzles the hell out of me" etc I can relate to. Took me a long, long time to put the pieces together but realise that what I was dealing with was addiction, whilst professing how much marriage meant etc etc. Tried counselling - everything. Phrase that really helped me in the end was "look at the actions not the words". Once I managed to separate the two I realised how incongruous they were. Hope you and your wife can sort this out.

Col894 wrote:

Is this legal or can such a document be made legal.

Thanks.

Forget the legal route. Your way too premature for that. Thats a long way down the road.

It could be that she is simply lonely without you by her side. Could it be that you need to devote some more time to her when you are there or engage in some texting that she feels is appropriate when your not?

That doesnt condone what she is doing mind. Its not really on to use sexual messaging with someone outside of a relationship and you could say that its actually cheating. Although its as you said not gone as far as actual physical cheating.

Fiona gave some good examples via relate that you could use in a discussion with her. How about suggesting a visit to relate the pair of you to try and get to the bottom of this behaviour?

No ship that is ever cast out on the sea never needs adjustment to its rudder. Marshy.

I''ve sent you a private message (PM) - you should see a little yellow flashing envelope at the top right of your screen