Struggling with hobbies

I bought some concert tickets today.
Its not until May next year but now I have something to look forward to.

That is what I think is important. Having something to look forward to.

This weekend I am off to Leeds to see a goth band called Rhombus, as theyre recoding the gig for a live album, March next year a Sci-fi weekend in Wales. 2014, The world Sci-fi Convention is in London. I am making a future, one for me, and my son of course.

It may seem selfish of me, but if I am not happy, how can I be the caring loving dad I want to be to my son?

Its little steps but I am getting there slowly.

This week has been the worst so far for me.
So I saw these tickets and just bought them on a whim. My stbx never allowed me to do that sort of thing but now i don''t have to ask him!
I''ve made a few plans for next year, having something planned to look forward to is keeping me going.
I don''t think its selfish stumpylad, i think its a great idea!

Hi Sophiemay,

We had a bad week last week, so i bought concert tickets as well, never done it before,would of had to ask permission and been told no we can''t afford it.
My daughter and i now have excellent seats to a concert in April.
Life feels a little bit better this week with something to look forward to.

Pleased you and Stumpy are doing the same.

Thanks

The thing is before the separation She was the one always out at gigs and I was always left behind. Half the time I wasnt even asked if I wanted to go, just "Oh I am off to see such and such in 6 weeks time and you''ll have to look after the kids." Which to be honest was one of the reasons I ended up losing it so badly.

We used to do all these things together. Then suddenly It was her pals and her. No room for me. Even the things I did actually want to go to I was excluded from.

So now I am taking the time to go do the things I want to. She can stay at home with the kids and hear what a lovely time I have had.

This mess is, after all, what she wanted. If she wants to complain? Her problem.

Hi Stumpylad,

Just picked up on this thread. A hobby is great, something that can be enjoyed on your own, with friends or even a partner.

The difference for me is that ''our'' hobby was my STBX''s addiction, one that I have commented on many a time on Wiki. It cost me my marriage and all that went with it, to the point of ''our'' hobby was ''taken'' from me and I am now fighting him tooth and nail to get it back. I have no option as that is where all our money lay, but he became so addicted and the adulation of all the ''hanger''s on'' as well as the women who threw themselves at him, because of his reputation, was the cancer that ran in our marriage.

Hobbies are great if they do not turn into something more and much bigger....I believe Love Avoidant''s have tendencies to be addicted to hobbies.

Enjoy your archery, go out there and do not let her stop you, but never allow a hobby to take over your life, as it can cost dearly. Because of who my STBX is, I can no longer partake in the hobby that I loved so much, he has put paid to that!

Take care for now FoS x

FoS I know ecxactly what you mean, her ''Hobby'' was gigging. It became an obsession and was one of the things that drove us apart. We used to go together then, I was excluded, always left behind. She complained about my going to archery, not even once a week sue to my shifts, yet for her that was a problem, but her going out with her friends all the time wanst...

I am not going to get obsessive about gigs or the sf scene, I enjoy it, but dont want it to rule my life. I have a lot of good friends from the convention circuit. Theyve been great through all of this. I am just looking forward to being able to enjoy myself in the company of like minded people.