what did you do to get a life

a little angel in my head keeps saying to me 'what can you do to make yourself move on ,feel better more of a human'my brain keeps thinking DUH DUNNO then the little angel turns into a devil and hits me with a hammer and says 'don't be stupid you do know.'then i get stuck.
classic case of too much thinking not enuff doing.I recognise that.still stuck scared really.I think thats the crux.I am scared that i could still be in the same position in 5 years.
please would all my special wiki mates tell me how they got past this place and what they did practically. try some activities is not specific enough ,hopefully then the obvious penny will drop.I am struggling with those feelings and thoughts that go 'but i loved him with all my heart and soul how could he be so cruel'this stuff should have long gone now i feel.help.

(((((((hug)))))
nothing to make you feel better sorry but I am thinking of you and hoping that you find a better place to be in.
Carrie

When I first found out about my wife's affair, I hit a really bad patch. I stopped eating and barely left the house for over a fortnight, and I was already avoiding friends or going out because of the situation at home prior to this admission. During this time I had lots of offers of support or distraction from various friends who knew what had happened (bad news really does travel fast!) and I turned them all down to sit in my cocoon and sulk.

After a while I decided that all these offers of support were very heartfelt and all came with good intentions. So I started to say yes to a few of them, and this made me feel better almost immediately, if only while I was actually out of my empty house.

I then decided to stop saying "No" and to say "Yes!" to every offer I got. Since then I have been out a lot for drinks, meals,weekends away from home, evenings out etc with friends, family & work colleagues. I've been to Jersey for a week on holiday, I've been to a few gigs and I've got a Glastonbury ticket. Forgetting about the heartbreak I carry with me and the little dark cloud that follows me around, I really enjoyed all these things and I'm really looking forward to my first Glastonbury in over a decade.

I know I'm far from being healed or 'over things', but I can recommend taking up all offers of help. Just try going for a month without saying "No" to things. Sometimes I wanted to stay in and rest or just spend some time thinking about things on my own, but if there was an offer there I took it. It's hit my bank balance and my work holiday allowance a fair bit, but it's been well worth it. And also people actively want to help, they are sympathetic and aware and genuine friends. Plus a session badmouthing the stbx doesn't hurt

In fact a new Wiki challenge to people in a similar situation - the "Yes" month. Give it a go and see how you feel. You may have to let people know that you're back in circulation at first, but they'll probably rally round

All the best to you whatever you do
xx

Sun 13
Couldn't agree more with what you have wrote. I started saying ''yes'' even to things I didn't really want to and yes to, I didn't enjoy them all but the majority of them I did. I found new things to enjoy and have made new friends as a result of it.

Don't be scared to do things on your own, I know people who have enrolled at evening school, joined dance class's, singles clubs, running clubs, gyms, theatre groups and one has become a brownie leader.

There are loads of things to do to help you move on but the first thing you must do is re-adjust your thinking. I had to stop thinking about the past, and the ''what if'' questions as those are the things that hold you back from moving on.

I realised I was in the same place as you and had two options, sit around getting upset and asking why why why for years to come or start to live my new life. Think it's an easy question when put like that.

When you have changed your thinking and have beaten the devils in your head the world becomes an exciting place again.

This is the start of your NEW life. Go and enjoy it girl !!

All the best

Broken1

well i have seriously got to do something its 2 yrs in august!
there aren't any offers though -hurdle no1
i work unsociable hours every weekend all weekend- hurdle 2
are there any yorkshie buddies out there.

Work colleagues can be a good place to start. A drink at the end of your shift maybe? Or taking the initiative and getting in touch with old friends, going to see family - just try to get yourself out there.

Fingers crossed for you

Hi Jelly

I eagerly awaited the answers to your posting as I too am struggling in this area. The answers were super. I think we really know what we should be doing but its the actually doing it thats the problem.

I too accept everything Im invited to. In time I suspect it will gradually build up. I suppose you just have to be patient.

The hardest thing for me is that I am now I suppose a Singleton and have spent the last 20years being a family, although I have the children with me so we are still a family, something is missing and it just takes time getting used to it.

It sounds difficult for you because of your unsociable hours maybe like sun said go for a drink after work, you try and organise it. I think if you want it to happen you have to make it.

Unfortunately there is no magic spell to make it right I wish there was and then we could both us it.

I noticed youmade a very brave posting asking for a get together in your area. Well Done I am sure you will succeed Be patient. Good Luck Jelly

Whatnow