what did you do to get a life

Ok you asked for specifics this is what I did/do
I'm 53 and thought I was happy. we did everything together nearly all friends were couples. Children are adults and live away. I have no parents and live out in the country.
For two months I was in the depths of despair
Made a list
Lose weight- easy, couldn't eat 3 stone gone
Ty che - hated it wanted to kill him so not aggressive enough
Abseiling- Did it for charity loved it
Scuba diving- sociable love it and now doing award
Went skiing - went with friends from work. I was rubbish
Roller skating- loved it
Pub quiz- started with 3 now 8 single women come last every week good fun.
Centre Parcs went with 8 women only new one of them but had a great time
Applied and got accepted to work in a charity in India
Going in August for 3 months
Met 2 virtual people Met up for lunch with 2 lovely girls I've met on Wiki great to meet new people I have something in common with
Went on a datefirst one in 36yrs he was gorgeous not sure if I'll see him again but savour the moment.
Finally I'm arranging a GOT A LIFE PARTY will post an invite soon.
It's 7 months since he left, I have to sell my house and it can be very lonely but I'm going to make the most of it.
Finally when I get my settlement I'm going to use my real name!!!!!!!!!!!!
but not yet
Megan

To all,

I did these two things before my marriage broke up and found they were really sociable on two levels:-

1. For the ladies (strictly!). Belly-dancing - great exercise, good social thing going on, an excuse to dress up and look lovely, and if you like dancing then all the better! As I said it was something my ex used to support me with (he used to come to any charity events we danced at and support me). But as a new hobby for any ladies that haven't tried it I would give it a go... opens up a whole new world, make new friends and keeps you fit!

2. For either male or female:- Djembe Drumming (African drumming). Again something I did before but would recommend to anyone looking for something sociable, which requires no musical skill but will make you smile, meet new people and you will feel a sense of achievement having made music with a group of people. It's a great stress buster but above all you will love the people who drum, they have a special aura about them... it helped me through a difficult time but I don't want to think of drumming that way, you have to try it to get the feeling!

OK, that's my "lesson" on how to enjoy yourself over with.. any feedback would be appreciated...

Elizabeth

Hi Megan,

Really liked your last post and the way it was set out! easy to relate to and you sound like a lady who doesn't let the grass grow under her feet!

I liked the YES post. So what do you do at 58 after a heart attack caused by her leaving.
1/ Cleaned the house spotlessly.
2/ No TV or newspapers...most news is depressing.
3/ Out every day and night doing something however menial or pointless.
4/ Had my fortune told by a Buddist monk which was so accurate I was reduced to tears. He was so positive and didnt know my position.
5/ Made sure that my affairs / financial needs both positive and negative were totally in order.
6/ Avoid anyone who has contact with the other side...rumours
spread like wildfire and misinformation is passed back. Had this happen to my cost.Started real arguements.
7/ See trusted friends only and make as many new ones as you can. It was amasing how many people disliked or mistrusted her when the chips were down.
8/ Realised that my daughter sided totally with me both emotionally and financially.
9/ Lost weight and changed my image with help of daughter.
10/ Realised it was her loss not mine...still ongoing project.
11/ Realised that there are tons and tons of people in my situation many of whom are a lot worse off.
12/ Applied for volunteer work...still ongoing.
14/ Slowly realising that just because one person thinks you are a ******** doesnt mean that the other 60 billion people in the world have the same opinion.
15/ Trying to realise that my confidence was shattered but it didnt go away...just took a back seat for a while.

I could go on forever and it will unless I do something about it. As my cousin once said. I searched for solutions for years and in the end realised it was only me who can do something about it.
And believe in Karma. What goes around comes around.
Finally as a friend said yesterday. Maybe you had a lucky escape. From what I dont know ...only the future will tell.
Dont give up......

A young but very wise doctor said to me: "You can have antidepressants, and as much counselling as you need, but at the end of the day, IT'S UP TO YOU!"
The only peeps that matter are the ones that believe in you, but you have to believe in yourself first. Never stop believing and know that you cannot change the past - its history. So whats's the point in living in it. It's happened and there is nothing you can do about it. But you are in charge of the present - only you. Happiness is built within. You just have to believe. x

Hi jelly4toes, you think you've got it bad.I am still where you are thinking why why why and it is 3yrs this month for me.I left my husband beacause we didnt heve a marriage,he spent no time with me after the children were born he only had time for them.I tried so hard to make him see i needed his love and company but was dismissed and told that my time was when the children were in bed.Before i left he even told me he wold make our bedroom into a flat for me wher i could go when i needed to be alone and he would give me a key!!! He told me my children loved him more than me-eventually i had no self esteem and left to live at my mums.My 18 and 16yr old live with him as i felt that was best at the time.I am finding it difficult to put the past behind me and try to live a new life when all i ever wanted was to be loved by my husband and be valued by him.My heart hurts daily and even though i see my children i miss them loads.I think of the future and how different it will be and i am scared.I ,like you need to move on but after 3yrs of feeling the same i dont know how i can--has anyone tried hypnotherapy?

Firstly you wont be in this position in 5 years. Thats very rare. If you believe statistics they say that most divorce recovories do it within 2 years and the people come out stronger and happier than before. Capiche?

Not sure I count as a wicki mate. But heres my tuppence. Thinking not doing. I think this is a shock response. You are in shock so you are thinking yr way out of it. Seeing as its better to think twice and act once you are doing the right thing. But it sounds like you are stuck. Perhaps you have lots of choices and you need to wittle them down a bit. Try and do this. But this is normal what you are feeling.

It took me time to get past this phase you are in. But we are all different and you have to let it pass on its own. There are no shortcuts.

What I found out about doing "activities" was I couldnt be arsed. I would go to the cinema and leave after 10 mins. I would drive to pool in dorset and leave after an hour. I was so mucked up in the head to do anything and you may be the same. I should have just waited it out but I didnt know what else todo. Like you.

Now its different of course. My life is brill and its never been better. I have never had so many mates etc. But this aint a lot of good to you. This is in 2.5 years.

The only real advice I can give you is eat well. Get as much rest as you want and be kind to yrself. If you pass a bakers and there is a nice cream apple slice and you fancy it? Buy it and eat it. Fancy a pizza? Get one. Get the idea? Look after numero uno.

This feeling of being lost and feeling anxious and thinking all the time is dead normal. U may have an elevated heart rate becuase of all the adrenalin coursing thru yr veigns. This will lift you up and make you feel like you dont need to eat and you dont need to sleep. Weight falls off you (becuase adrenalin also boosts yr metabalism) its like sitting at the lights with yr foot on the brake and full trottle ready to rock. Make sure you dont wack someone when you feel like this as you will take there head clean off the sholders.

I know he hurt you and you loved him with all yr heart. But the fact is that in this world are some awful people that will take yr heart out of yr chest smack it around stamp on it and spit in yr face for no reason realy. You have learned this the hardway. Its all in bella btw.

Just give yrself time to get over it. You will. We all will. Thats the way it is. I rant to much. Must get some work done. Sorry it was so long. F