Hi all. Wife wants to seperate.

Hi,

Joined website as it looks the best for my needs.

Wife told me a few days ago that she wants me to move out. She has suggested she may take me back but needs time alone with the kids. The word separation has been used and informing schools etc.

I am keen not to move out and try and sort this out with my wife, I want what best for the kids(4). I am the main bread winner and we have a mortgage.

My biggest down side is not talking to my wife enough in the past when finances were a problem, now I have a good job and our financial situation will keep improving (if we are together). She has stated I am an excellent father etc.

What are your thoughts?

Thanks in advance.

Welcome to wiki. The usual advise is don''t move out until all the financial stuff has been sorted by a Consent Order.

This is especially important if your stbx doesn''t work or wouldn''t be able to support themselves without your support and your income is below/average.

Hi, sorry you find yourself here.

As for sorting things out with your wife. Go to marriage counselling, talk it out and try and work at it. However, there is no polite way to word this so I appologise for being blunt. She has already informed the schools. That sets off alarm bells to me that her head is in a very different place to where yours is.

My advice would be do not move out if you are doing it to give her space. Because she could just be saying that to make you feel better about leaving when she has already made her mind up. And because then you have moved out. And the advice is always not to move out.

Look, I''m sorry, I know I sound like a ***** writting all of that down. I don''t know your wife and she may genuinely need some space and be most grateful for it. But there is another explanation as to why she''s keen for some space, alone with the kids and it''s to get you to move out.

In short, the advice is always not to move out until the financial matters of a divorce are finalised. And I appreciate you are not at the divorce stage but the advice remains the same.

And sorry for sounding like a cold, heartless cow bag too. it''s a protective reaction rather than a mean one, honestly.

Hello.

Welcome to wiki but sorry to hear about your situation.

Perhaps giving each other a little space is a good thing as long as you remain respectful and continue to communicate, talk to each other.

I don''t think anyone should move out.

Have you thought about getting some couple counselling? Have you thought about talking to each other without any arguments about the things that have impacted or influenced your relationship, in this finances and what you both want in the future.
It might help.

Wishing you all the best.

Hi,

Thanks for the advice.

My wife can''t afford the mortgage on her own and even with my support I think it will be too much. I do have a good job that pays above well above avg

Sorry my post was unclear schools have not been informed but this is the type of discussions my wife wants to have. My wife head is probably ahead of mine but she has not ruled out she may want me back. My wife has stated there is no one else and I don''t disbelieve her currently.

I have also been on the phone to the number in the top right since my post and I will be going home tonight to push for marriage counselling as the first step. Moving out sounds like the last resort.

I am giving as much space as possible when I am in the house.

Please keep the advice coming I do appreciate it, I have worked so hard for the family.

Nice guys always finish last....

Thanks yummy, we don''t really argue and the kids are currently unaware of any problems.

Lack of communication is possibly a contributing factor but I will see what counselling brings.

Thanks

Hi
The usual advice is not to move out of the FMH until finances are sorted.
You are correct in your thinking that she is way ahead of you, and in all probability has been planning ahead for some time. You unfortunately are in catch up mode, and its a mistake for you to make any decision at the moment.
From experience you suggestion of counselling will probably be met with a flat refusal. Also and there is no easy way to put this, the chances are that there is a third party involved in things. Its better to prepare yourself for that revelation so you can handle it in a calm and measured way.

Nice guys don''t always finish last...you might feel like you are at the back of the field, but the race is far from over.


LB