Hi all. Wife wants to seperate.

Hi,

Looks like you''re not leaving then! At least that is a result.

She seems in a desperate hurry to leave your marriage. Did she leave skid marks as she left?

I hope you have some mates you can talk to / socialise with. Don''t isolate yourself.

Hope you get contact with your kids sorted out soon.

We are always here if you need to chat / vent,

EA

She has gone to her mums two bed flat, there will be seven of them in there, how my wife thinks this is what best for the kids is beyond me. stbx and myself weren''t even shouting at each other, there was an atmosphere but it was being managed. We were still making each other hot drinks etc.

Hopefully she will get re-housed ASAP.

He has agreed to let me have the kids next weekend so I am picking them up on Friday after work and dropping them off on Sunday. Looking forward to that lots.

I gave the stbx £150 last week so she could buy the girls some summer cloths and when I gat paid at the end of the month I am going to transfer over £500 for child maintenance. No agreement is in place and £500 is above the figure given by www.gov.uk website. I feel this is the right thing to do for my girls, will this bite me in the back side in any way?

Thanks for your thought and advice, its very much appreciated.

PS went to a meet yesterday and enjoyed it very much, thanks to all.

Hi dynaclive

It was lovely meeting you and others yesterday. Great news about seeing your girls next weekend.

I cant advise ref your question, but for sure wise wikis will advise

Take care

Hi

Well.... being ''too generous'' does set a precedent and courts seem to like those (if it ever goes to court).

My partner was WAY too generous and it totally bit him in the arse. All depends on circumstances to be honest and what personality type / level of laziness your ex has. In our case she is very lazy / unmotivated and loves being taken care of by men of all sorts. Funny how all her boyfriends end up giving her expensive gifts or loaning her multiples of thousands to bankroll her divorce.....draw your own conclusions on that type of woman.

I do think a certain level of ''motivation'' at the outset to improve their circumstances doesn''t hurt but balanced with fairness. Obviously if someone is up to their eyes in kids and childcare or there is a valid reason they cannot maximise their earning potential then it is understandable to a point. For me FAIRNESS is the key word along with balance.

It does seem that a lot of exes start to EXPECT certain levels of support and not actually respect the payer (even being actively hostile and evil in our case).

The old ''feed a man a fish'' adage rings in my ears at this point - as in, find ways to make sure your ex is not dependent upon you for their survival.

I think in many ways it is probably best to speak to the CSA and get an accurate picture of what you should be paying based upon your net - I suspect 25% of net. At least under CSA it ends at 19 yrs. With a court order it can potentially go on forever!

Hope that helps,

EA

Hi thought I would add an update, wife is not talking to me and not responding to my questions on the way forwards. She is only responding to my text about the kids.

Not sure what to do now, just sit and wait?

She let me phone the kids last night, just held it together during the phone call but after was a different story. Looking forward to having the kids at the weekend.

Is it worth me putting together a Separation Agreement proposal for her?

All I can do is keep cleaning/sorting out the house.

Thanks for your continued support.

Hi

Other than the fact that she wanted out do you have any clear idea of the real reasons your marriage has ended? The whole situation just seems very sudden and one way...

Do you know if she is planning to divorce you and if so, on what grounds? Have you reached any agreement on contact?

EA

Hi
Really your best path forward for the moment is to focus on the children and contact with them and nothing else. There is no rush at the moment you can simply take your time and wait for now.
There is not a great deal of point in a separation agreement, if you want one of those you may as well go straight for divorce. I suspect that since you did not leave the FMH her ''master plan'' has been thrown a little hence her reluctance to discuss things with you, she has to work out what to do since you failed to fall in line.

LB